


If You Dare Come A Little Closer

by easilydistractedbyfanfic



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cussing, F/F, F/M, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Minor/Background Relationships - Freeform, Multi, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, S5 Canon Divergence, Six Years In Space Is A Long Time, Smut, Spacekru Family Dynamics, What If - On The Ring, if only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:55:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25558447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/easilydistractedbyfanfic/pseuds/easilydistractedbyfanfic
Summary: Raven's stressed & overwhelmed and Murphy is alone & angry on the Ring.They decide to make a deal to help each other out when it comes to physical release.It's meant to be a simple friends with benefits arrangement. Until it's not so simple anymore.Based on a prompt via t100 Writers for BLM
Relationships: Bellamy Blake & John Murphy, Echo & Raven Reyes, Echo/Emori (minor), John Murphy/Raven Reyes, Monty Green/Harper McIntyre (minor)
Comments: 40
Kudos: 151
Collections: The t100 Writers for BLM Initiative





	1. If You Dare Come A Little Closer

**Author's Note:**

> Based on an Anon prompt via Bellarke Writers for BLM. Thank you for the request and the donation to a great cause, Nonnie! I hope this story will be worth the wait for you! I liked your idea and suggestions but needed to find a way to weave it in to who I think the characters are, so this story is going longer than anticipated. No one already familiar with my stories is surprised. I really hope it makes you happy! This story title is also taken from the song listed below.
> 
> Fabulous moodboard by the wonderful @hopskipaway here on ao3 & tumblr! Thank you so much!!

* * *

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/170152452@N02/50638123436/in/dateposted-public/)

* * *

Round and around and around and around we go

Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it

Something in the way you move

Makes me feel like I can't live without you

It takes me all the way

I want you to stay

Ooh, the reason I hold on

Ooh, 'cause I need this hole gone

Well, funny you're the broken one

But I'm the only one who needed saving

'Cause when you never see the light

It's hard to know which one of us is caving

_~ Stay, Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko_

_Go-Sci Ring, Early in Year 3_

There’s a lot of things Raven could blame, for the start of it. Tiredness, for one - the kind that’s so deep it seeps into your bones and never goes away, leaving you drained and weary. Lack of entertainment. An antagonistic mood. Boredom. Harper having too much of Monty’s algae moonshine. Definitely that. Hell, _all_ of them having too much of Monty’s moonshine. Maybe a little peer pressure, if she’s going to tell the truth about the night it began. And yeah, there was some curiosity there, that should be on the list too. 

Nobody forced her into the game, but all those things contributed to why she was playing. 

It irks her to admit it, but when push comes to shove, all of it, _everything_ , is overshadowed by one simple fact. It had been her who leaned in first. She can’t deny it even though she might wish she was so drunk she didn’t remember that part. 

Although _of course_ he goads her into it. 

That’s a given. 

* * *

“I have an idea,” Harper shouts, giddy and flushed from Monty’s latest algae concoction. She’s standing on top of an old computer mainframe cabinet, one that Raven emptied of all salvageable parts and they’ve turned on its side to act as a sort of coffee table in their cramped living space. It wobbles a little, and Monty reaches his arm out to steady her. Raven might think it was cute if she wasn’t already feeling testy. 

She’d been dragged out of her workshop against her will, by Echo and Emori, who’d come to find her after Monty brought out the alcohol. Everyone else had gotten a head start on her, so she’s trying to catch up, and as soon as her cup is empty, Bellamy grabs it out of her hand and pours her a refill. 

“Hurry up, Raven, or we’ll drink your share,” he laughs, making her pretty sure that this batch might be one of Monty’s stronger ones. A laughing Bellamy is a rare sight, although he’s come a long way in the last few years. 

They’re in what they call their living room, all seven of them lounging around the small area. She’s perched on a narrow chair but at least it has a cushioned seat. Echo’s head is resting on Raven’s knee from where she sits on the floor just in front of her, with Monty to Raven’s left in another single chair. Emori and Bellamy are across from her, sitting on the worn couch. Murphy’s got the best seat in the house, an actual recliner that’s in working condition, and he’s tilted back far enough in it that she’d think he was asleep if not for the cup gripped firmly in his hand. 

“What’s your idea, Harper?” Emori asks, once Monty coaxes Harper down and they sit huddled together on the floor. 

“It’s a game we used to play on the Ark, years ago before I got sent to the Skybox.” Harper looks at Monty and giggles before she continues. “It’s how I had my first kiss.”

_Great_ , Raven thinks sullenly. _Just what she needs_. 

“I’ll play,” Monty agrees, grinning madly as Raven rolls her eyes and downs her second serving of bitter moonshine in record time, holding out her cup once more. It’s not so much that it tastes good, because it doesn’t. But all of them drink it when it’s available because it’s the one thing they have to mitigate the pain and dreariness of their daily lives. Which sounds pretty bad when she thinks of it like that, but Raven has always been a realist. 

“Don’t hold out on me, Bellamy. Pour extra.”

Bellamy does as she asks, filling the container higher than the last two times. 

“How do you play?” Echo pipes up from her spot against Raven’s leg. 

Harper giggles again, waving her hand around their little circle. “It’s easy. Our names go into the bowl, and the first person pulls one out. If they get their own name, they have to try again. Whichever name you pull, you go into a dark closet with them. It’s called Seven Minutes in Heaven. Maybe you kiss in there, maybe you don’t. Only the two of you will know. Everyone else watches the clock and when it’s over, the next person goes.”

“I don’t want to kiss any of you,” Raven mutters, but it must be loud enough for Echo to hear, because she turns her head and starts to make kissy-faces at her, obnoxiously smacking her lips together. 

“Oh, Raven, don’t deny our love!” Echo grabs the back of Raven’s good knee and bends closer like she might kiss it, and Raven tries to shake her off, laughing in spite of her ill-tempered mood because she’s ticklish where Echo's fingers are. 

“Enough,” she squeals, lifting her cup high so she doesn’t spill the liquid inside. Sometimes she thinks Echo has come a little _too_ far out of her shell in the years they’ve spent together. The fierce Azgeda spy actually had a fondness for teasing, although there were times where Raven still wasn’t quite sure whether Echo was joking or dead serious. She could be a little scary like that. 

“You’ll play, won’t you Bellamy?” Harper smiles over at him, eager to get started. 

“Sure,” Bellamy shrugs, “why not?”

“I’ll play if you two do,” Emori adds, raising her eyebrow in Echo and Raven’s direction. 

Raven doesn’t even get her mouth open before Echo’s answering for both of them. “Yep, we’re in.”

“That just leaves you, Murphy. Are you going to join us?” Harper must believe he’s sleeping too, because she yells loud enough to wake the dead. 

Murphy winces as he lifts his head, but he sits up slowly, carefully tucking the footrest of the chair back into place so it won’t break. “I’m not drunk enough for this,” he answers, holding out his own drink towards Bellamy. 

Harper claps her hands. “Good! Okay, who else has played before?”

Only Monty and Bellamy raise their hands. 

Murphy takes a big sip of his moonshine. “Don’t look at me. I was in jail while all you kids had time for fun and games.”

Monty grins sheepishly. “I only got to play once before I got sent to the Skybox. I don’t actually remember if I kissed anyone or not. Jasper and I were mostly invited to parties back then when people thought we could help them get high. And we definitely got them high, and ourselves while we were at it.”

Yep. This batch of moonshine must be the strongest yet, because Monty rarely talks about Jasper otherwise, and they all know it. Instead of making Raven feel sad, a smile tugs at her lips, imagining Monty and Jasper back then, partying and practically carefree. 

“Where were you, Raven?” Emori wonders, pulling her out of her daydream.

She shrugs. “Working or studying, probably. I never went to any parties on the Ark. I wanted to test into Mecha Station too badly.”

“Well your hard work paid off,” Monty smiles. “Everybody knew you were Sinclair’s favorite, and even after you got your apprenticeship, I don’t think people ever invited you just in case the party got busted. No one wanted to face your wrath if you got in trouble.”

Being reminded of Sinclair sends a familiar ache to her chest, but she likes remembering that she _was_ his favorite. He’d always made that obvious to her, and it was nice that other people had noticed too, even if it did make her look like a teacher’s pet. She wouldn’t trade all those hours back in Mecha spent learning with him for anything, and certainly not for parties that never interested her anyway. She had been a force to be reckoned with then, ready to push anyone aside if they got in the way of her plans, and it entertains her to know that other people might have been intimidated by that. 

“Okay, wait. I have a question.” Echo walks over to the area they use as a kitchen. They already have a bowl with seven slips of scrap paper inside, each of their names scrawled on them. They try to take turns even on the chores everyone hates most, but sometimes drawing a random name is what they end up doing when no one can agree. “So if everyone’s name is in here, does that mean that just by chance, one person’s name could just get picked over and over but someone else’s name sits in the bowl the whole game?”

Bellamy looks thoughtful. “There’s seven of us so what, how about three times each, then? That should mix us up pretty well.”

“Yep. As soon as your name is chosen for the third time or it’s your own third turn to pick a slip, your name comes out of the bowl and you’re out for however long there is left,” Harper explains. “I’ll go first to break the ice. We can use the closet in the hallway.”

“Try to pick me!” Monty suggests, making most of them laugh. 

Harper pulls out a piece of paper and grins as she reads. “I got Emori!”

“I’m starting the countdown,” Echo laughs. “Don’t have too much fun!”

The two women disappear into the hallway and Raven takes another long sip of her drink. The game is something to pass the time, she supposes, and it’s really not that often that they all gather together to do something. Maybe it’s not the worst thing that she’s taking a break, especially now that she can feel the effects of the moonshine starting to kick in, making her feel more relaxed than she’s been in months. 

Even with a pleasant buzz going, she’s still not going to kiss anyone though. Life on the Ring is complicated enough without adding extra drama, even if they _can_ all use the excuse of being intoxicated later. 

* * *

Harper and Emori come back after Echo shouts into the hallway that their time is up, both of them giggling as they settle back into their seats. Monty volunteers to go next, suggesting they make a circle until they get back around to Harper. He picks the folded paper with Murphy’s name on it, both of them cringing at the result. 

“This game sucks,” Murphy grumbles as he gets to his feet, and Raven’s inclined to agree with him until Harper and Echo’s infectious laughter is too much to resist, prompting her to join in the teasing. 

“Don’t be afraid to slip him some tongue, Murphy!” She yells it as he walks sullenly behind Monty into the hallway, the scowl he directs at her over his shoulder only adding to her enjoyment as she looks at Harper and bursts into laughter herself. 

They pass the time wondering whether Monty can withstand seven straight minutes of Murphy’s snark or if he’ll crack even Monty’s mostly-patient nature, but Raven’s aware that it’ll be her turn next, her mind absentmindedly wondering whose name she’ll choose. 

It turns out to be Bellamy, and much like Monty and Murphy’s pairing, Raven doesn’t think anyone believes they’re going to kiss either. They don’t, spending what seems like an endless seven minutes in the dark standing next to each other without any part of them even accidentally bumping. It’s not complete silence between them, and it isn’t that Raven doesn’t care for Bellamy. She does - he’s a member of her family now too. But that’s just it, family. It was a poor, misguided choice years ago for them to impulsively sleep together, and they’ve talked about it briefly before, both of them in solid agreement. She’s tempted to poke him about how she’s seen him watching Echo lately, when he thinks no one is looking, and what he’ll do if he and Echo end up in the closet tonight, but then she decides it would be better to let things play out on their own, without a hint from her. Eventually they hear Harper shriek that their time is up and they return to their seats, neither one of them upset at the lack of hands-on activity. 

They skip Echo when she’s not back from the bathroom in time, and Raven watches as Murphy leans forward to pick from the bowl when Harper urges him to go ahead. He seems reluctant, and she wonders if he’s concerned he’ll draw Emori’s name. The two of them have been broken up for over a year now, and while they’ve gotten better at not arguing every moment they were in each other’s presence, Murphy was also still making the choice to spend most of his time on the abandoned side of the Ring since he’d moved over there after their relationship ended. He’s not a complete hermit, but most likely it was the lure of the moonshine that had dragged him out of his lair tonight rather than the company, Raven’s almost sure of it. She’d be more concerned about him if he didn’t show up off and on while she was doing repair work around the premises, typically finding her when she was on her own with a project. He’d pass her tools and they talked then, mostly about unimportant things, but it was usually enough to reassure her that he wasn’t on the edge of some kind of breakdown. 

And considering they were all trapped in the relatively small confines of what amounted to a shipwreck in space with each other for the last three years, and probably at least two more, she’d consider ‘not on the edge of a breakdown’ to be a big win for all of them. 

“I got Harper,” Murphy announces, just in time for Echo to walk in and accuse him of trying to cause a divorce. 

Raven laughs along with the rest of them, but she wonders if Harper realizes that so far her little game isn’t resulting in much action. Although they _are_ all getting pretty intoxicated, based on the rate the moonshine is flowing. 

“I’m going next,” Echo says, sitting on the floor between Murphy’s empty chair and where Bellamy relaxes on the couch next to Emori. Raven just leans back, closing her eyes as she listens to her friends squabble. 

Echo ends up picking Emori, and when the two return after their seven minutes are up, Raven would swear Echo looks a little smug, and Emori's hair is absolutely not as tidy as it was. Maybe some action was happening after all, and Raven makes a mental note to ask Emori about it the next time they’re alone in the workshop together. 

The game goes on, all of them getting progressively louder and more at ease, though none of her friends choose her name during their turns. Instead she gets to watch them all pair off and walk awkwardly or enthusiastically to the hallway while she sips her drink, tugging off her sweatshirt when she gets overheated from the moonshine. Yeah, this game isn’t so terrible after all. 

Eventually they get around the circle to her again, and Raven makes a big show of shaking the bowl up, the tiny scraps of scavenged paper bouncing around inside as she reaches in and pulls one out. 

“Looks like Echo has seven minutes to impress me,” she grins, getting to her feet as she drops the paper back into the dish. 

Echo smiles back at her, draping an arm across her shoulders as she gives Raven an exaggerated wink. “I work well under pressure, you’ll see.”

The two of them laugh together as they head down the hallway, oblivious to the multiple pairs of eyes that track them as they go, Harper’s drunk squeals fading away as they step into the closet, the light disappearing immediately once the door is closed. 

“Okay, you need to give me some details,” Raven says, blinking her eyes to adjust to the shadows. “Did you kiss Emori?”

“May-bee,” Echo teases, drawing out the word in a sing-song tone. 

“Come on. I’ve seen you flirting with her while you’re helping us girls train. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’re always putting your hands on Emori to show her how to do something.”

Echo doesn’t deny it, instead turning the conversation back to Raven. “Why? Are you jealous?”

Almost as soon as the question comes out of her mouth, Echo starts to giggle at how ridiculous it is, and Raven joins her, the sound of their laughter loud in the confines of the closet. 

“You know I’m not,” Raven denies, once she calms down. “I think you guys would be cute, that’s all. Although, I also noticed Bellamy has been looking your way lately.”

“So do I,” Echo sighs. “Think Emori and I would be cute, I mean. Bellamy might be fun for a little while, but he’s still hung up on Clarke even now, and I like Emori - have for probably longer than I should. But I’m not sure _she’s_ completely on board yet.”

“Your kissing skills didn’t convince her then?” Raven means it to lighten the mood, not liking the dejected tone Echo’s voice has taken on. 

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, they’ve been helping, and for a while now too,” Echo brags. “But I think something’s holding her back. Do you think she’s just not over Murphy yet?”

Maybe Raven wasn’t as aware as she thought she was, if Echo and Emori had been kissing for a while and she hadn’t picked up on it until tonight. Not that it bothered her - in fact, she was happy for them, and she takes Echo’s question seriously, thinking hard before answering. 

“I don’t really get that impression. I spend a lot of time with Emori in the workshop and she doesn’t seem to be unhappy. If anything, those two are getting along better than they have in ages, even though Murphy’s still sleeping on the other side of the Ring.” Raven pushes an errant strand of hair behind her hair, considering. “You know, maybe she’s just nervous about starting another relationship, especially after how awkward it was for all of us when those two broke up.”

“Could be,” Echo muses. “She has said how much she wishes there was more privacy up here, that it’s a tough adjustment to other people knowing her business.”

  
  
“Sounds to me like you’re making good progress, if she told you that. And if I’m reading things correctly and there’s been plenty of kisses between you two, then you’re definitely on the right track.”

“It’s not bad progress, you’re right. But it _is_ slow going. You know what? Let me kiss you!”

“Echo, what? No!”

“No, Raven, I’m serious! Look, so far I’ve made most of the moves, letting Emori know I’m interested. And I’m fine with that role, I am, but it would be nice to know a little more about what she’s feeling. I don’t know if I’m just a way to let off steam with her, alright? We’re playing this drinking game, and it’s harmless, so just let me kiss you and if she asks me about it later, I’ll be able to tell if she sounds jealous or not, and then I’ll know whether she’s really interested or if this is just a fling to her.”

“Okay, you’re drunker than I thought because that’s a stupid fucking idea. Just talk to her about it!” Raven shakes her head, part amused and part appalled at Echo’s terrible suggestion. 

“Please? I really like her,” Echo pleads. “And anyway, it’s just a kiss that we both know doesn’t mean anything. But if you do it, you could be helping me and Emori get together. Don’t you want us to be happy?”

“Ugh. I hate when you guilt-trip me. Fine. Just kiss me then, but no tongue!” 

“Yes! You’re the best!”

“I know,” Raven rolls her eyes, knowing Echo won’t see it in the dark, but she’ll pick up on the heavy sarcasm at least. 

She can’t believe she’s going to go along with this, but it _is_ entirely possible that Echo and Emori both would dance around their relationship, neither one of them taking the necessary steps to move forward. Raven does think they’d be good for each other, and anyway, Echo’s right. An intoxicated kiss between two friends in the middle of a childish game barely even counts. 

Echo’s hand brushes her arm as she attempts to find Raven in the dark, and after a couple of clumsy movements, their lips manage to connect. It’s not a remarkable kiss, but it’s not the worst one she’s had either. Echo’s lips are soft as they press against her mouth, and the kiss doesn’t feel strange or awkward, just...ordinary. If she thinks about it too hard, it’s probably pretty sad that the first kiss she’s had in years is with a friend who she’s not even interested in, but it’s for a good cause so she shoves the thought out of her head and figures she can at least now say she’s kissed another woman. It lasts a few more moments and then Raven pulls away. 

“There, neither of us will be lying if Emori asks if we kissed. Happy now?”

“Yeah, I think this is gonna give me some insight. Thanks, Raven.”

“You’re welcome, but if this blows up in your face, it’s all on you, you got that? Keep me out of it, and be very clear with Emori that I did this as a favor to you and nothing else.”

“I got it. I can tell you’re out of practice kissing though, because that was not as hot as I expected it to be. Maybe you should remember how to flirt and get some of your own action before you forget how to do it completely.” 

This is another one of those situations where Raven isn’t sure if Echo is joking or dead serious, but the alcohol running through her system makes her feel forgiving, so she decides she shouldn’t be too insulted. And anyway, maybe it _wasn’t_ her best effort. And she _is_ out of practice. 

“Oh, shut up!” Raven mutters, annoyed at her train of thought, and she tries to shove Echo’s shoulder but her hand only hits empty space in the darkness, and then it’s not much longer and there’s no mistaking Harper’s voice yelling that their time is up. 

Furtively, she eyes Echo as they walk back towards the common area, feeling more agitated the more she considers her friend’s last remark. Exactly who did Echo think she was going to flirt with up here?

* * *

It was definitely the moonshine that lured him out of his solitary half of the Ring, Murphy reminds himself as he takes another gulp from the cup in his hand. But he can’t deny that the company of his friends hasn’t been _too_ awful tonight either, in spite of how unbelievably intense they can be when they’re all together in a group. The generous thought makes him think he might be spending too much time alone lately, but that could also be the alcohol talking. Monty had done himself proud with this batch. 

He’s feeling pretty good in a languid, buzzed kind of way, but then everyone decides to play a ridiculous kissing game and he begins to regret his choice to join them. From the sound of things, he might not be the only one - Raven makes an antagonistic comment that probably none of them are supposed to hear, but by the way she’s been trying to catch up on drinks with the rest of them, she’s definitely getting intoxicated and likely has no idea how loud she is when she announces she doesn’t want to kiss any of them. 

Echo ends up teasing her about it, making Raven laugh instead of doubling down on her grumpiness, and Murphy takes another drink in order to cover his own reactionary grin. Raven’s always working too hard, anybody could see that, but three years into their time in space and it’s definitely no stretch to describe her as _obsessive_ when it comes to finding a way to get them all home. It’s nice to hear her laugh, especially in comparison to the creative cursing she can string together when things aren’t going well on one of her repairs, and he tries to focus on the sound of it rather than the very real sentiment that _he_ wouldn’t mind kissing _her._

He can admit it to himself, at least, even if he’d never confess it to another soul. He’s lived with it long enough that the knowledge just feels like another fact of life. On Earth the sky was blue. People in charge make shit decisions. Raven was beautiful and he had always been attracted to her and probably always would be. He fucking hates space. And if you wanted to survive you had to be willing to fight for it. Simple facts. There was no changing the truth, and he’d tried to change some of them, he really had. 

But another hard-learned fact was that you never really knew quite where you’d end up, plans having a funny way of changing, and as he follows Monty to the damned hall closet as Raven’s teasing words trail after him, he wonders where things might end up tonight. 

* * *

He watches Raven as she comes back from the closet with Echo, and he knows immediately from Raven’s expression that the two of them kissed. It surprises him, since he would have sworn that Emori and Echo might have started something on the side, but more than that it makes him jealous. It’s absurd, he’s well aware, but maybe he was lulled into a false sense of security by Raven’s earlier declaration that she wasn’t going to kiss anyone, and then she’d pulled Bellamy’s name as her first pick and he well knew nothing was going to happen with _that_ pairing. If anybody had bothered to ask _him_ back in the Dropship camp years ago, Murphy could have told them both that hooking up with each other was a terrible idea, but no, no one wants to admit that Murphy of all people can be insightful. At least they’d never acted on the impulse again, having overheard them talking about it together not long before he’d headed off into the desert with Jaha. Well. Overheard, eavesdropped. Same difference. The point was that Bellamy and Raven just didn’t fit. 

Raven kissing Echo though… that was unexpected. He knew they were close but if anything, he would’ve bet money that Echo was heating things up with Emori, not Raven. He’ll be trying to figure that one out later, when he’s sober, but for now he considers his odds. Raven’s gone into the closet tonight with Bellamy and Echo, and he’s been in there with Monty and Harper. On his first turn he’d stared at the bowl on the table, trying to will it to give him Raven’s name. He’d gotten Harper instead, which was at least better than Emori. They’d been doing alright lately and he didn’t want to ruin that while he wasn’t sober. And he hadn’t wanted to accidentally ask her about Echo, either. It was fine - Harper had just talked his ear off and giggled for seven minutes straight. But now he and Raven were both on their last turns, and even though this game _is_ stupid, the chance to get Raven alone in a dark and confined space is too tempting to pass up no matter what happens between them. Pushing her buttons is one of his favorite pastimes since they’ve been up here in this prison, and tipsy Raven is always enjoyable since she’s so much less careful about what she says. 

When it’s his turn again, he digs his fingers through the pieces of paper in the bowl, a fervent prayer to a god he doesn’t even believe in running through his mind as he grasps a slip and then drops it, his fist closing around another just on a hunch. 

He lifts it out and unfurls it, hardly daring to read the name. 

Maybe a god _does_ exist. This was going to be fun. 

* * *

“Come on, Reyes,” Murphy taunts her, his eyes glittering with laughter as he throws her own words back at her. “I’ll slip you some tongue just like I did Monty.”

“You disgust me,” she retorts, but there’s no real heat behind her words and he knows it. She’s feeling too mellow, for one thing, but also she hasn’t hated Murphy for a very long time, even if he is especially good at getting under her skin. Their contrary banter is just what they do together, a comfortable habit she barely even thinks about because it’s so familiar. She’s missed it lately, with Murphy spending so much - too much - of his time alone on the abandoned side of their current home. 

He pushes open the door for her and Raven walks carefully into the darkened space, unable to see her own hand in front of her face once the door is closed behind him. It squeaks on its hinges and the noise recedes slowly, feels eerie in the silence, leaving her chilled. She rubs her hands up and down her bare arms, wishing she hadn’t left her sweatshirt on the chair in the main room earlier, leaving her in just her tank top. 

“You know, I don’t think you have room to talk about disgust, considering you just kissed Echo,” Murphy jokes, his tone making it clear he’s teasing, but it’s _what_ he says that makes Raven gasp, not how he says it. 

“How did you know that?” she demands, and then she’s immediately annoyed with herself for confirming his suspicions. 

Murphy laughs, low and warm, chasing away the lingering otherworldly vibe of the closet that had creeped over her. “You had your thinking face on when you came back to sit down, and I may have had a lot to drink but it’s not hard to figure out what could have happened.” 

Raven senses more than sees a movement, and then Murphy’s voice in front of her is much closer when he speaks quietly again. 

“I didn’t know the two of you were just waiting for an excuse to make out.” The way he says it, all sly insinuation, makes her face feel hot. 

“No, it’s not like that. I was just doing her a favor.” She doesn’t mean to tell him, not wanting to mention anything about Echo and Emori since she doesn’t know how he’ll feel about it, but she’s never been good at keeping her mouth shut after she’s had too much to drink. 

“But you did kiss.”

She unsure what he’s getting at, why he’s fixated on this of all things and it makes her flustered and edgy. Maybe she hadn’t really thought it through, but she figured only Emori would find out she kissed Echo. There’s no reason to make a fuss over their little kiss, and she has no reason to be embarrassed about it. But somehow Murphy’s making her feel weird, like she did something wrong. 

He’s so infuriating, making her defensive over something that isn’t even any of his business. When he’d read her name from the bowl, she’d been secretly pleased, thought they’d find something funny to laugh about while they were stuck in this closet together, but now her anticipation sputters out like a used match, leaving her disappointed and confused and not liking it one bit, and it makes her tone irritated when she finally thinks of something else to say.

“It’s not a big deal, but yes, I kissed Echo during this silly drinking game Harper wanted us all to play. I didn’t realize you were keeping score, but since you are, go ahead and mark it down that I _didn’t_ kiss Bellamy.” 

“I already knew you didn’t kiss Bellamy just like I knew you _did_ kiss Echo. And yeah, you’re right,” he agrees suddenly. “It’s a silly game, and not a big deal. But I am keeping score, and this is the third time we’re each in this closet, so the game is over for us when we come out.”

The air around her shifts and gets warmer, indicating Murphy is moving even closer to her than he was just a moment ago. She’s not cold anymore, is sure she could touch him if she just lifted her arm, can feel the heated air of his breath stirring the hair near her cheek. It only makes her more hesitant, uncertain why he’s toying with her like this and why her heart is beating faster because of it.

“What’s your _point_ , Murphy?” She hurls out the question through gritted teeth, tempted to raise both her hands to where she assumes his shoulders are and give him a shove backwards. She doesn’t though, instead rooted to the spot for reasons she doesn’t want to examine. 

“My point is that since it’s _not_ a big deal, and since this _is_ a silly game, and since we’re both feeling more at ease than we have in months thanks to gallons of Monty’s moonshine, you should let me kiss you too.”

His request genuinely stuns her as she expels an astonished breath, her lips parting in shock as she tries to gather her scrambled thoughts. 

“Are you kidding me?” It’s the only thing she can manage to say since it feels like she’s just been blindsided. 

“Ah, nevermind, forget it,” he sighs, sounding unfazed. “I should have figured you’d be too afraid to do it.”

“Hey!” Raven almost shrieks with affront. “I am _not_ scared! And I am definitely not scared of _you_!” 

She does reach out then, both hands colliding with Murphy’s chest just as expected, and she twists her fingers into the fabric of his shirt to pull him closer as she tilts her chin up, determined to show him he doesn’t intimidate her in the least. Her instincts aren’t too far off since her mouth lands scant centimeters from her target, but he remedies that almost immediately, adjusting the angle of his head to align the kiss perfectly. Their lips meet and it’s not the soft, pleasant press of flesh that she’d experienced in this closet with Echo only a short time ago. No, she and Murphy are rough, volatile, like some kind of eruption, both of them fighting to direct the kiss as his arms encircle her, holding her tightly against him as her own arms wind around his neck and she leans up on her toes. 

Her lips tingle and the blood rushing through her veins thuds in her ears as the kiss deepens, Murphy’s warm, wet tongue teasing along the center of her bottom lip until she opens for him, and then it only gets more dangerous, her fingernails scratching into his hair while his palm slides down her side to firmly grip her hip. Raven’s lost to sensation as the kiss continues, gets hotter, and it’s only when the feel of his thumb brushing against the side of her breast is so intense it makes her jerk her head backwards, gasping, that she breaks the kiss, the sound of their heavy breathing overly loud in the black void surrounding them. 

The brief pause is enough to knock her back into reality, and it’s a harsh adjustment to come down to from the high she was just experiencing. Her body is still smashed against Murphy’s chest and she self-consciously takes a step backwards as her hands loosen around his neck, needing distance to figure out what the fuck just happened between them. One of his palms is still curled around her hip though, the other splayed low on her back and he doesn’t let her move out of his embrace, strengthening his grasp to prevent her from moving farther away from him. 

Her eyes fly to where his would be if they were visible in the dense shadows, and she isn’t sure if it’s a relief or not that she can’t look into them, doesn’t know what he’s thinking. Fuck, she hasn’t seemed to know what he’s been thinking since they shut the closet door behind them. At least the lack of light means he can’t see what’s bound to be panic reflected in her own gaze. 

“Murphy, what...what are we doing?” Her voice sounds husky, aroused even to her own ears and it doesn’t help her feel any calmer, any more in control when Murphy doesn’t answer right away, his fingers only skimming up her back, playing with the loose tendrils of hair that have escaped her ponytail. She wants to sink back into him at the touch, has to close her eyes and take a deep breath in through her nose to resist the urge. 

“I’m no expert, but I’d say we both need an outlet. A way to work out all this tension and stress we both have going on.” He cups his hand around the back of her neck, squeezing gently and deliberately, like he anticipates she’s about to interrupt him. “No, I mean it. We’re the same in this, different levels of tolerance maybe, but you can’t deny we each end up lashing out when it all gets to be too much. Implosions are inevitable - you cursing and yelling, me pushing everyone away. Maybe this could be how we help each other out.”

She should say something, argue with him. Definitely not let him think he’s right. Only...her brain feels incapable of a solid rebuttal, too caught up, too _full_ of the lingering exhilaration from what they just did. 

The weight of his words and her lack of response hover between them as neither of them make an attempt to move apart, the up and down drifting of his thumb on the side of her neck the only motion in the stuffy interior. 

Their friend’s voices carry towards them far too soon, screaming that their time is up, and Raven isn’t ready to face them, to confront any of what just happened, but then Murphy leans in, his mouth grazing against her ear before sliding down so his lips can kiss the jut of her collarbone as he lets her go with a gruff demand.

“Think about it.”

Without any further talking, they walk back to the living area side by side, and Raven somehow manages to school her face into something neutral, smiling good-naturedly when Monty says he wasn’t sure which one of them would survive the seven minutes. 

She watches while Echo takes her and Murphy’s names out of the bowl, shakily lifting her drink towards Bellamy for another refill. And she refuses to care about the consequences as she gulps it down, knowing she’ll pay for it later when her head pounds and her stomach revolts. 

But she has to do _something_ to erase the taste of Murphy from her mouth, even if she’s pretty sure it isn’t going to work at all. 

* * *

_He was wrong_ , Murphy thinks, laying on his back on the lumpy mattress underneath him as he stares up at the blank ceiling in the tiny room he calls his own. _Vastly, categorically and profoundly wrong_. 

Getting an intoxicated, less inhibited version of Raven into a dark and dreary closet a few hours ago had gone so far beyond _fun_ he wasn’t even sure if he had a word for it. Tremendous, maybe, that might fit. He hadn’t really had a plan, had just known he had seven minutes to see what kind of reaction he could prod her into, and she had ended up leaving _him_ the one reeling. That he’d somehow managed to provoke her into kissing him was pretty fucking huge on its own. Hell, he’d practically dared her to do it. But the kiss itself? Yeah. Tremendous. Colossal. Like everything he believed in had just gone up in smoke and he was suddenly and painfully aware he knew _nothing_. 

Honestly, he has absolutely no idea how he pulled himself together enough to speak afterwards, to put forth some half-formed fantasy that had occurred to him while he had his tongue in her mouth and his hand at her waist that holy fuck, he wanted more of _this_ for so many reasons. But also, amazingly, the unrelenting urge to punch something that was always threatening to overwhelm him had completely melted away when she was in his arms, pushing out everything in his head except the desire to focus on the explosive feelings that were building everywhere they touched each other and let himself be swept up in it. In her. And when she had gasped and squirmed and made an unsuccessful attempt to back away from him, he’d known he had to push, had to find a way to get her to see what was so obvious to him now that he knew what it could be like between them. That they could use each other to get some relief from this place, the strain and burdens of her responsibility, of him being _stuck_. 

Maybe that was a crude way to put it. Raven wasn’t some empty shell he wanted to take advantage of and then discard when he was finished. No, never. Not with her. Raven was… Raven was important. One of the few people in his life who mattered. As hard as it was to believe after what he’d done to her, they cared about each other, he knew that. Somehow she’d forgiven him for her leg, even though it was never anything he could make peace with. If she gave in to this, this wild idea of the two of them using sex as a relief valve, something to release the pressure they each felt, he could be helping _her_ out too, he knew it. He wanted that almost more than he wanted his own escape. She needed an outlet just as much as he did, and if that first kiss was any indication, god they were going to be something incredible together if he managed not to fuck this up. 

Now he just needs to figure out how to get her to agree.


	2. It's Hard To Know Which One Of Us Is Caving

* * *

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/170152452@N02/50638123436/in/dateposted-public/)

* * *

Round and around and around and around we go

Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it

Something in the way you move

Makes me feel like I can't live without you

It takes me all the way

I want you to stay

Ooh, the reason I hold on

Ooh, 'cause I need this hole gone

Well, funny you're the broken one

But I'm the only one who needed saving

'Cause when you never see the light

It's hard to know which one of us is caving

_~ Stay, Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko_

“So, I heard you kissed Echo.”

The workshop area of the Ring had been quiet for most of the afternoon, each of the two occupants concentrating on their individual projects a few days after everyone had recovered from the drunken shenanigans stemming from Monty’s moonshine. But Emori’s sudden question catches Raven unprepared for more reasons than just the interruption of silence. 

“Oh! Uh, yeah. Yes. But not because I wanted to! I mean, she didn’t force me or anything-”

“It’s okay, Raven,” Emori laughs, alleviating Raven’s worry that the whole thing had been misconstrued. “I’m not mad about it. In fact, I should probably thank you.”

Her friend’s eyes are sparkling with the confession, making Raven smile. “So I guess I was wrong to tell Echo it was a terrible idea then?”

“Oh, no. It _was_ a terrible idea,” Emori agrees. “But it worked. We ended up having quite a talk the other day because of it.”

“And?” 

“Annnnddd….We’ve figured a few things out.” A tiny grin spreads across Emori’s face as she stares down at the parts on the table in front of her, but it’s clear to Raven that Emori is much happier than she’s seen her in a long time. 

“I’m really thrilled to hear that. I think you guys are good for each other.” Raven nods at Emori, and then can’t resist a little tease. “I’ll try to keep my racier comments just for Echo’s ears.”

“Sure you will!” 

The two of them share a laugh and then it’s quiet again as they both get back to work. It isn’t long before Emori starts another discussion, lighter now that she’s gotten her own relationship update out of the way. 

“So by any chance did that kiss wake up any latent interest in your own sex life?” 

Raven’s mouth drops open in horrified surprise, immediately concerned that Emori knows that she and Murphy kissed too. “What are you talking about?” 

“Don’t sound so anxious, Raven! I told you I wasn’t upset that you kissed Echo. It’s just that everything I know about you up here points to you being celibate for the last three-years-plus. I’m just saying maybe you should rethink that.”

A nervous laugh escapes her throat at Emori’s words. Maybe Emori wouldn’t be saying such things if she knew where Raven’s imagination had been taking her the past few nights as she lay restless in her bed. 

“The thing is,” Emori says, the screwdriver in her hand waving through the air as she gestures vaguely, apparently taking Raven’s laughter for the only response she was going to get. “I’m not trying to pry, okay, and maybe it’s a little awkward, but there _are_ two single men up here if you wanted to avail yourself. You and Bellamy did it once already, right, and you spend more time with John than anybody ever since he started living like a hermit.” 

Emori shrugs after she finishes, an expectant look on her face while she waits for Raven’s response. 

Eventually, Raven pulls herself together over the implications of Emori’s little speech, rolling her eyes fondly. “You know, I think I liked you better before you fell in love with Echo and now want to fix the rest of us up like we live in some weirdo space utopia.”

“It’s your own fault. If you hadn’t kissed my girlfriend, it would have taken me much longer to come to my senses.” 

Emori looks so pleased with herself after she says the word _girlfriend_ that all Raven can do is smile back at her, doing her best to ignore the funny fluttering in the region of her stomach that she’s had during the last part of their conversation. 

* * *

Raven doesn’t hear Murphy open her door or come into her room but she wakes up at the feel of his lips on her neck, his arms wrapped around her as he presses himself warm and solid against her back in the small confines of her bed. Her eyes are heavy, tired, and initially she leans into him without thought, liking the sensations of his mouth grazing across her sensitive skin while she’s still barely conscious. And then his hand brushes over the bare skin of her belly, her shirt pushed up in sleep, and his fingers are trembling. She rolls over to face him then, alarmed and abruptly more alert. The faint starlight streaming in through her tiny porthole is barely enough to see by, but she knows him. Knows how his eyes look with so many of his moods. Now his blue gaze is hunted, vulnerable, and she doesn’t have to ask to figure out he’s had a nightmare and he doesn’t want to be alone. 

Talking about it might help, if she can get him to discuss it. Probably she could, if she was patient enough. But it would take time. Though she doesn’t like talking about her own awful memories, wants to keep them buried as much as possible, and no doubt Murphy’s the same. He so often is. 

Neither one of them has spoken about it, that crazy, unexpected and unforgettable kiss they had only days ago, or the even crazier offer he’d suggested following it. They haven’t seen much of each other after the drunken night they’d all spent together, mostly a few chance meetings in the common areas, both of them wary and skittish every time their eyes met, the atmosphere between them fraught with tension. What he said to her - how she needed an outlet, something to release the constant stress she was under - it had thrown her for such a loop. He’d said the same thing about himself, and she knew he meant that them fucking would have mutual benefits, but it had been such a significant thing to consider, a hundred different thoughts assailing her every time she tried to decide what to do, and she’d been so disoriented over his insane invitation she couldn’t have given him an answer yet even if she wanted to. 

She’s been trying unsuccessfully to untangle her complicated reaction, both toward the kiss and how it made her feel, and about his proposition to turn it into more. It didn’t help that even Emori had inadvertently brought it up, making it clear that she herself had moved on. At least that might assuage any concerns Raven might have had in that area, but there’s still plenty to second-guess. She doesn’t feel any closer to a conclusion than she did in the minutes after it first happened, in spite of it being just about the only thing she’s been able to concentrate on. There’s been more than a handful of accidents in her workshop because of her inattention, and earlier this afternoon Emori had literally pushed her away from her desk, telling her to go sleep or watch a movie because it was clear she couldn’t focus on repairs. 

The damnedest thing about it all was that Murphy wasn’t _wrong_. The more time that passed on the Ring, the less time she had to solve all the problems of getting them back safely to Earth. To say it weighed on her was an immense understatement, and every day they were up here it only got heavier. Sparring and learning to fight with Echo helped, as did her daily exercises to keep up the muscle tone and flexibility in her legs, but nothing had cleared her head like kissing Murphy had. _Nothing_. She’d tried to convince herself that it was the moonshine talking, but she knew that was a lie. Just like she knew she couldn’t write it off as an overreaction due to a prolonged dry spell either, because if that was the case she would have been just as affected by Echo’s kiss. And she hadn’t been, she couldn’t deny it. 

No, it was something about Murphy specifically. The two of them together is what had caused such a massive response within her that going on a week later she could still practically _feel_ how his hand had gripped her hip, the urgent and demanding way he’d kissed her and what it had done to her insides. 

Looking at him now, at the lost look on his face, she knows everything he told her was the truth. They both _do_ need an outlet. Murphy came to her while their other friends were asleep, seeking an escape from everything in his head, and it’s so easy to see the only possible outcome in this moment, so simple to understand that they have this in common too. She still has concerns, still wonders if either of them are prepared for the ramifications from a choice this huge - one they won’t be able to take back - but the warning voice in her head fades into the background as she stares at Murphy’s familiar face, understanding that she can at least fix _this one thing_ for someone she cares about. 

And in the process, she’ll fix something within herself too. 

Decision made, there’s still no guarantee she could find the right way to tell him, and besides - she’s always been a believer in actions over words. With that in mind, Raven lifts her cool hand to Murphy’s cheek, running her thumb over the rough stubble along his jaw a few times before she sits up and pulls her shirt over her head, baring her breasts as her hair fans out across her shoulders while she shivers in the chilly room. He looks up at her from where he rests on the pillow and it takes him a moment to understand that she’s agreeing, that she’s giving permission for this to happen. She can practically see the realization of it crash over him, his eyes and body language changing from wary and troubled to relieved and eager as he lunges up towards her and takes her in his arms. 

It’s both the same and better this time, his lips hungry on hers in another fierce kiss. Better because she’s not surprised, already knows how he can make her feel and she gives in to it, unhesitating as her fingers wrinkle the hem of his shirt, bunching the fabric up and up until he tears his mouth away to yank it over his head, pushing her down onto the mattress as he captures her lips again. Her breasts against his naked chest burn and ache in the best way possible, and she squirms under him, wanting friction as she uses his shoulders to pull him harder against her. She’d swear there’s sparks between them, lighting up everywhere there’s skin touching skin, and she only gets hotter when Murphy’s mouth nips down her neck, making her groan deep in her throat with the feel of his teeth. When his lips finally latch on to her stiff nipple and suck, she arches her back high off the bed with a choked sob, pushing herself into his mouth as both his hands slide under her ass so he can grind her against his hard cock. 

He’s overwhelming to her after going so long without being physical, and her body feels hyper-sensitive with every touch, every lick and bite. He’s controlling himself, being careful with her even though she senses the need in him to be rough. She doesn’t want him to hold back, needs them both to be naked so she can feel him inside her, and she impatiently shoves at the waistband of her sleeping pants, in a hurry so she can feel more bare skin against her own. 

“Take your clothes off,” she urges Murphy, but he’s already following her lead, yanking her pants and underwear down her ankles before making quick work of his own. She pulls him down once more, kissing him as she runs her fingers down his stomach, eager to caress the hard length of him and he groans into her mouth when she reaches him, his grip almost bruising on her hip as he lets her fingers wander for only a moment before he shoves against her thigh with his knee to make more room for himself, dislodging her now-sticky hand. He moves over her, his mouth sealed on hers as his own hand explores lower, down her breasts and across her stomach, making her twist her pelvis underneath him to get him closer to where she wants him. 

The first brush of his hand against her core makes her cry out, and his touches get more aggressive as she angles up towards him, seeking more attention as her arms wrap around his waist and then stroke up his back, drawing him down until there’s no point where their skin doesn’t meet. The slip and slide of his fingers inside her drive her mad, so much better than anything she can do for herself, her head thrashing back and forth on the pillow until he tightens his fist in the hair at the nape of her neck, holding her still so he can suck her earlobe into his mouth as he pushes her closer to the edge with every second that passes. 

“Let go, let me see you fall apart,” Murphy orders, his breath hot and tantalizing on her neck, making her whole body tremble. He works his fingers deeper and it sends her into bliss, her eyes slamming shut as a long, strangled moan is wrenched from her throat as the orgasm hits. Her breathing isn’t even close to leveling out when she feels the head of Murphy’s cock rub up and down her slit, so good her vision whites out as she lifts her thighs around his hips, desperate for more. He enters her slowly, smoothly, making her sigh when he sinks fully inside, his hips flush to hers, their eyes locked together. They stay like that, staring intimately at one another as her body urges him faster, deeper, rougher, his thrusts more frantic and carnal as he lets go of his control. Raven can feel it building, the tightness coiling within her and it’s almost unbearable but she can’t shut her eyes, doesn’t want to look away from him and then it catches her by surprise, rolling over her like a huge wave that leaves her shuddering and breathless, wrung out and overcome with the intensity of it. 

He follows only a moment after, her nails digging into the flesh of his back as his cock twitches and spurts inside her as he grunts her name. She can feel the tight contractions of her cunt squeezing him, the warmth of his come filling her, their pleasure drawn out until he collapses on top of her, his weight heavy but welcome. Raven twines her right leg around the back of his calf, keeping her other thigh pressed tight along his hip to keep him lodged inside her as her hands drift up to curl into his hair. 

Murphy presses an open-mouthed kiss against the side of her neck, his head resting against her shoulder and his breathing slowly calming. He’s asleep in minutes, and for a moment Raven wonders what she’s going to say to him after they both wake up, but the thought is fleeting as her eyes grow tired and flutter shut, her body exhausted and her head for once completely calm. 

* * *

He opens his eyes feeling rested and comfortable, two sensations he’s not usually familiar with. The reason for them becomes a little clearer when he discovers he’s still draped mostly on top of Raven, his nose pressed against her collarbone. She smells fantastic, a mix of sex and both their scents all mingling together in a combination that makes him hard. His dick is nestled between her thighs, the tip still buried inside her, making him shudder as he shifts up and off her carefully, already incredibly aroused and wanting to fuck her again. 

Pulling her slowly into his arms so he won’t wake her, Murphy wonders if he should tell Raven that he didn’t actually intend to manipulate her into having sex with him when he showed up in her bed. Yeah, he’d been trying to figure out a way ever since they’d kissed to convince her that they could fuck away their anger and stress and frustrations together and it would do them each good, but he hadn’t come up with any kind of legitimate plan other than him being willing to beg her to give in. Even so, sex hadn’t actually been on his mind when he’d made his way through the dark hallways to her room after he’d woken from yet another nightmare. 

They’d been happening more frequently, were part of the reason he wanted to be away from everyone on the empty side of the Ring, but three nights in a row had proven too much and he just needed to not be alone for a change. He had woken up sweaty and afraid, and at the time he hadn’t been thinking at all, just headed to Raven’s room more on instinct than anything else. When he’d climbed in behind her in the bed and tucked his face into her neck, surrounded by her warmth and reassuring scent, he’d felt better immediately, no longer on edge, and he knew he’d made the right choice, even if he might be embarrassed to admit he wanted to be comforted. 

She’d recognized why he was there soon enough though, when she’d rolled over to face him, and he hadn’t had to say a word. It was dark but her eyes had been understanding, and she’d cupped his cheek in a way that made him want to nuzzle his face into her palm. But not long after she’d sat up and pulled her shirt over her head, and the sight of her naked breasts had him captivated, almost disbelieving as he drank in how lovely she was. It took him a minute, but he’d figured out she was agreeing, was willing to take him up on his outrageous suggestion, and thankfully his body had taken over while his brain shorted out. 

Nevertheless, Murphy remembers every second of it, what she let him do to her. How she touched him. The sharpness of her hip bones without her clothes covering them, how she appeared small and fragile underneath him even though he knows she’s so much stronger than she looks. What she sounded like, the way her body trembled when she came. The hot, wet feel of her as she clung to him, demanding and breathless, how his thrusts became longer and deeper inside her until he climaxed so hard he felt empty, depleted. 

For the first time in years, there was no room for incriminating thoughts or unwelcome memories circling endlessly through his head. He felt almost as if they’d all been drained out of him, like he’d poured them all into her along with his come. 

He’s not going to give this up now, there’s no way. Not when he knows how they fit together and it was even more incredible than he’d hoped it would be. No, he won’t let this be a one-time thing. He’ll push and pull and do whatever it takes to keep fucking her because whether she’ll admit it or not, Raven needs this too. 

He tightens his arms around her and she sighs in her sleep, rubbing her nose into his shoulder. Trying to will away the throbbing ache between his legs, he imagines how things will go when she wakes up, how he should respond in order to ensure she’s open to doing this again and again. Grinning at the memory, he remembers that he hadn’t had a real plan when he’d followed her into that darkened closet and gotten her to kiss him, and he certainly hadn’t had a plan when he’d crawled into her bed only a few hours ago either. Yet here they were. He closes his eyes, wanting to join her and fade back into sleep, leaving a kiss on the top of her head before he pulls the blanket up higher over them both. 

Maybe when it came to Raven, it was best to just follow his instincts. 

* * *

The sound of the mallet hitting the shiny piece of metal is loud in her workshop, but Raven doesn’t care. She needs to work out some of her feelings, and what better way than to take her frustrations out on a few pieces of scavenged metal that she’s been meaning to flatten for reuse anyway. She pounds away on it, beating on the bent creases and wishing she could straighten her own thoughts just as easily. 

She’s been alone most of the day, but Raven’s glad Emori had popped her head in not long after breakfast, asking if there was anything pressing or if she could take some time off. From the look of the secretive grin on her face, Emori planned to spend the free time with Echo, and Raven was pleased for them but it meant she’d been alone with her thoughts for hours now, and she’s no closer to knowing what to do than she had been when she kicked Murphy out of her room this morning. 

For once she’d slept soundly, no tossing and turning or intrusive thoughts bothering her, and she hadn’t been completely conscious when she’d stretched underneath the covers, feeling sleepy and satisfied. Her leg had brushed against Murphy’s body, causing an unfamiliar twinge in her thigh muscles and instantly she remembered _exactly_ what had happened late the night before. She’d swallowed down a groan of realization as she thought about what to do, and she’d tried to roll away from him, to sneak out of her bed from the foot of it, but either Murphy had been awake the whole time or her furtive movements had been enough to disturb him, because he’d casually tightened his arm around her and in a voice roughened with sleep, asked her where she was going. 

She’d handled it poorly, of course she had, pushing herself away from him and even yanking the scratchy blanket up high on her chest in a ridiculous manner, hissing and spitting like a frightened cat, telling him to hurry up and go back to his room before everyone else got up and spotted him. Murphy had taken it in stride, sitting up on the outside edge of the bed and feeling around on the floor for his underwear and pants in silence. Raven tried not to look at him while he got dressed, not embarrassed so much as completely unprepared for how to address the two of them having sex. He’d turned to look at her when he was finished, his gaze unwavering and it had made her feel...odd, her thoughts jumbled and torn between wanting to say _something_ , anything about what they’d done but also unable to stop recalling in vivid detail how his hands felt on her skin. 

They’d stared at each other, reluctant to do anything else, both of them wary and cautious, neither of them looking away until she had eventually broken the spell, telling him that they would talk about it later but that she needed to get to work. Murphy had simply nodded before turning to leave, shutting her door softly behind him. She had collapsed back onto the bed and her pillow had smelled like him and it had all felt so overwhelming she almost wished she hadn’t given in to the fateful decision to have sex with one of her best friends. 

But only almost. 

Because that was the thing. Tirelessly hammering the scraps of metal for most of the day had clarified that piece at least, that she wasn’t feeling regret over their actions so much as she didn’t know if she should take Murphy up on his offer for them to regularly use sex to ease their frustrations. Which was an entirely different question than whether she _wanted_ to keep doing it - just whether she _should_. 

She hits the metal harder, agitated all over again. Last night she’d put the consequences of her decision out of her head, determined to give Murphy the escape he needed, and it had definitely given her one too. Things weren’t as clear in the harsh light of day - or the bright lights of her workshop - but she didn’t have anyone to blame but herself. 

“You’re gonna be sore if you keep that up.”

Raven gasps, spinning around at the unexpected voice directly behind her, the mallet in her hand still raised in mid-swing. 

“Let’s not be too hasty with that,” Murphy says, already close enough to touch as he takes it out of her grasp and drops it onto the counter next to her hip.

“Damn it, you startled me!”

He shrugs. “Door was open. I called your name but you were too busy assaulting that piece of metal to hear, I guess.”

She’s trapped between him and the counter and his nearness makes her nervous, her eyes flicking over his shoulder to the open door. Anyone could walk by and see them. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Murphy tilts his head curiously, but his expression is harder to read. “Didn’t realize I needed an invitation, but I went for water in the kitchen and Bellamy asked me to come get you. He said he’s putting on that movie you two talked about in ten minutes, and that you have time for a break to watch it with him.”

Her mouth curves into a scowl at his comment. She didn’t mean it like that, like he needed an excuse to see her, but she’s not ready to talk to him yet, not about what they did anyway. And she’s absolutely not ready for how his proximity is sending her insides into cartwheels or the gradual awakening of her libido when she accidentally focuses on his lips when he speaks...But no matter what she decides when it comes to having sex with Murphy again, she knows she doesn’t want to lose the hard-won friendship they’ve found in the last three years either, and the thought has her inhaling a deep, silent breath in and then out again, forcing herself into a better state of mind so she can offer something of an apology. 

“Look, you know you’re always welcome when I’m working, but I don’t have-”

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Murphy interrupts, surprising her for the second time since he walked through the door. “There’s other ways to communicate.” 

He barely finishes what he’s saying before he closes the tiny distance left between them, his arms around her before she even knows what he intends. His head dips down faster than she can blink, his mouth insistent and inviting on hers, the kiss quick to erase any potential objections she might come up with. Kissing Murphy feels familiar already, leaving her breathless and light-headed as she gives herself up to it, her hands sliding up to his shoulders and around his neck to tug him closer. She only pulls back when she needs air, mind fuzzy and vision blurry while she tries to make sense of how she ended up sitting on the counter with Murphy’s hips squeezed between her thighs. Flattening her hands on his chest, she presses him backwards, away from her so she can think, but he doesn’t go far, resting his palms on her knees. His hair is messier than when he first came in, she’s sure of that much, and she looks away from him, avoiding the laughing glint in his eyes and furtively peeking towards the door to verify that no one has seen them. 

“What movie are you going to watch?”

“I - what?” His question does nothing to help her sort out her thoughts, only throws her off-balance even further. 

“You’re probably late now. Bellamy might have started the movie without you. Let’s go.”

Before she can come up with anything else to say or even a single protest, he’s helping her off the counter, turning off the lights and leading her out the door of her workshop down the long hall to the windowless room they’ve set up for watching movies. He’s right - Bellamy is already there in front of the screen, throwing an annoyed glance at them when they enter. 

“I said ten minutes, not twenty,” he grumbles, but he’s already pushing the button to rewind the movie as Murphy crowds Raven into one of the cushioned seats of a two-person couch and settles in next to her, his body steady and warm everywhere it brushes against her. 

She spends most of the movie distracted by the feel of Murphy’s fingers drawing furtive patterns on her leg, just above where her brace starts, his movements hidden from Bellamy’s sight because of how he’s wedged against her. 

Hours later, when she climbs under the blanket on her bed and closes her tired eyes, she wonders why she never made any attempts to stop him. 

  
  


* * *

Murphy watches Raven carefully from the corner of his eye, everyone gathering together for yet another distasteful dinner of Monty’s algae soup. He skips more group meals than he attends, but it’s not completely unusual for him to show up randomly, and he’s just waiting for her to choose a seat before he takes one himself. 

It’s been a few days since he spent the night in her bed, but so far his not-exactly-a-plan to follow his instincts with Raven doesn’t seem to be leading him into a wrong turn, at least. He’s only becoming more turned on and more set on convincing her with every passing incident, yeah, but overall he thinks the things he’s doing are working more than they aren’t. He’s got to stop her from thinking too much, coming up with excuses, talking about what-ifs. It was the only way to keep her from refusing him, he was convinced of it. Keep Raven distracted with kisses and touches as much as possible. Spend more time with her, stop her from putting her thoughts into words when he’s around, and basically do his best to kiss her senseless anytime he finds a minute alone with her. None of it sounds exactly like a solid strategy considering how smart she is, but so far…things seem to be going his way for a change. 

In spite of their close quarters on the Ring, it’s not that difficult to get Raven by herself, especially when he pays attention to her schedule, to when the others are occupied and where they spend their time. And it’s so easy to put his hands on her, trap her within his arms so he can kiss her until they’re both gasping. It’s easy because he wants to, wants that feeling he knows she can give him, but it’s more than just the moments of calm he feels when he’s touching her, it’s knowing that after about two seconds of token resistance, she gives in. 

He wants to believe it’s because at least a part of her agrees with him, understands that they could be good for each other and besides that, that she _wants_ to now that they both know what it feels like when they succumb. It’s gratifying when she surrenders, and it seems impossible that she couldn’t want to continue, not when she can kiss him like she does. Not when he knows how her body can respond to him…He shifts uncomfortably in the chair he’s slouched in, dropping his hands into his lap to hide that he’s getting hard. Something he’s getting far too familiar with lately, whenever he sees her or thinks about her or touches her. Basically all the time, really, as he watches her laugh with Harper as they get cups of recycled water for everyone. 

Trying to figure out what Raven is thinking hasn’t ever been his strong suit though, and he’s not about to figure her out any time soon. He can only assume she’s hesitating to fully agree to a bargain between them because of some fucked-up idea of right or wrong, or maybe, and somewhat better as far as he’s concerned, the false idea that introducing regular sex between them is going to ruin their friendship. As if he’d let that happen after everything they’ve been through. 

Finally she sits towards the middle of the table, across from Echo and Emori, and he gets up in a hurry, deliberately pulling out the chair next to her before Monty can take it. He sneaks a glance around at the others, hoping that it wasn’t too obvious what he was doing, but no one seems to be looking at him. Raven’s eyes are cautious when they meet his however, like she knows he’s up to something even if she doesn’t know quite what. It’s one of the things he likes about her, that she can see through his bullshit enough to figure some things out, but not everything. He wonders if she likes that about their relationship too. 

They get about halfway through the meal before he makes his move, such that it is. He’s sitting to her right, his left arm mostly resting on his leg since he sat down, and beneath the table where no one can see, he slides it across the open space between them until it lands on her thigh. Her body stiffens at the touch but she doesn’t flinch away, continuing to stir the green mush in her bowl as his fingers slip just a tiny bit higher and massage the tense muscles beneath the fabric of her pants. 

He doesn’t push his luck completely by letting his hand drift any further, content for now to just remind her that he can make her feel good, and by the time Emori stands to collect everyone’s bowls, Raven’s body language is much more relaxed, and he feels all the more certain that he’s going to convince her to give in to him. It’s just a matter of time. 

* * *

Two nights later, he finds her in one of the deserted corridors on the side of the Ring that no one tends to really go into except for him. She’s so easy to sneak up on when she’s working, entirely absorbed in what she’s doing - it’s a good thing there isn’t anyone up there trying to kill them all or she’d probably have been the first to go. Murphy grins as the thought occurs to him, watching Raven’s body jolt with surprise when he grabs her ankle as she stands on the ladder, her upper body disappeared into a duct that runs along the ceiling. He’s been leaning against the wall for almost fifteen minutes, content to watch and listen as she mutters to herself while she repairs who-knows-what, but he wants her attention, pleased when she leans her head down and out of the opening in the duct to glare at him. 

“Did you want something, or are you just making a nuisance of yourself?”

That feels like a loaded question, so he smirks up at her and lets her see some of the lust in his eyes as he rakes his gaze over her ass. “Both. The answer is always both.”

The corner of her mouth quirks up for a second, like she wants to smile at his quip, but then she presses her lips together to stop herself. It’s such a Raven thing to do, to deny herself the simplest impulses, and he wishes she wasn’t always so concerned with whatever was in her head. She needs to be convinced to let go in more ways than one. His fingers are still wrapped around her ankle, so he trails them up her leg further, putting pressure behind his hold to get her to come off the ladder. She kicks at him first, though he can tell it’s mostly a half-hearted attempt when she sighs and climbs down to the floor, shoving a few loose strands of hair out of her face. 

“You do know it’s somewhere around two AM, right?” Murphy’s not exactly shocked to see her up late, working, but she looks especially tired, even a little pale, making him think she’s not sleeping well. He’s selfish enough to hope he has something to do with that. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” she shrugs. 

He hasn’t gone to her room since that night, not that he hasn’t wanted to. Really wanted to. The odds are in his favor that if he did show up, they could fall into sex like they did before, but it doesn’t feel fair like that. As much as he wants her to agree to them starting a mutually beneficial agreement, he doesn’t want it by default. 

“I could help you with that,” he says, full of innuendo, and this time he thinks maybe she takes a partial step towards him instead of the first move being all due to his efforts lately. Either way, they’re all over each other and he has it again, that delicious stillness where his temper is forgotten completely instead of simmering just under the surface, ready to boil over at the slightest provocation. The feeling is addicting, _she’s_ addicting, and he’s not really thinking about anything when he runs his hands down her hips to the backs of her thighs, lifting to encourage her to wrap her legs around his waist. They’re not far from his room, and it’s auto-pilot that has him taking her there rather than a serious decision, so it’s almost as much of a surprise to him when they end up tumbling down onto his bed as it is to her. 

He’s looming over her in the dark, relishing the softness of her as he presses her down into the mattress, his whole body on edge and even though he’s caught up in every little brush of her hand and lick of her tongue, he can sense the moment she hesitates, her hand bunching in his shirt as she wrenches her mouth away from his. 

“Wait,” she pants, her eyes wide and bright in the shadows, and he’s never wanted to listen to her less, aware that what he wants could all be crashing down around him with whatever her next words are. He stills his hands anyway, one at her hip and the other along her jaw as he holds his weight on his knees and elbows. Getting a read on her is impossible, not when he’s so turned on and thought she was too, and as he looks down at her, it’s like he can feel her slipping out of his grasp. 

Fuck. Maybe his instincts are all wrong. 

* * *

Murphy’s been relentless for almost a week, showing up everywhere she goes and just being so...so _him_ that he’s impossible to ignore. No matter what she’s doing or where he interrupts her, they always end up with him finding ways to touch her, or worse - better? - them making out like teenagers who can’t keep their hands off each other. 

Afterwards, every single time, Raven can’t put her finger on exactly how it starts but she doesn’t push him away either, too interested, too _invested_ in how he makes her feel, all her tension almost evaporating with just a few kisses and caresses. 

It doesn’t seem to matter to him who could be around either, though he’s sneaky enough she doesn't think they've been caught yet. The other night he’d cornered her in the kitchen when she’d gone for some water and she’d ended up with her back against the wall, his tongue in her mouth and her hands fiddling dangerously with the hem of his shirt, her knuckles brushing the bare skin of his stomach. She had no idea how long they’d been at it either, and anyone could have walked by. The other day Monty almost caught them when he’d come into the joint living area unexpectedly, both of them sitting far too close together on the couch, Murphy’s shoulders turned towards her and she was sure he’d been about to lean in and take what he wanted without any kind of a fight from her. 

All of this kissing was leaving her dizzy. She barely had time to catch her breath, let alone think. 

Only when she was alone in her bed did she feel like she could gather herself. At night her thoughts came by the bucketful, but too often they were all centered on whether Murphy would slip through her door, like that night he’d had a nightmare. The night that had changed things between them. 

Murphy had been right then, and he was still right, and she knew it even more fully after all the hands-on treatment he’d been giving her. He could - and did - relieve her stress better than anything else she’d found. And he wasn’t snapping at everyone as much lately either, even though he’d actually been around them all more than usual for the last few days because of how he was showing up wherever she was in order to drive her crazy and tempt her into agreeing with his proposition. 

She’s so tempted. 

It _was_ doing them both good, she could see it, feel it. There’s always been something between them, some inexplicable bond even when they wanted to hate each other, and out of that she knows an undeniable attraction to him sprouted within her at some point, one she can’t escape even when she’s tried to. It’s easier to let herself off the hook for it now that Emori has moved on, and she really doesn’t think that she and Murphy getting into a friends-with-benefits situation is going to matter to anyone else, as long as they manage to keep things civil once these physical urges between them fade, anyway. She’s more confident they can do that after their time together so far on the Ring. 

Even with Murphy choosing to isolate himself away from the rest of them, he still came to find her when she was alone. And she didn't get angry like some of the others did when he hadn’t been pulling his weight, understanding more than the rest of them that being in space again was particularly difficult for him because of his past, and some days just getting out of bed was about all he could manage. She couldn’t fault him for that, not when he always came through when it was most important. Not when she could identify and relate to more than a few of his issues herself. They all coped with trauma differently, and anyway, it didn’t help to berate him over it. So maybe because she understood him, or maybe because he didn’t hate being around her, or maybe simply because whatever dynamic they had between them worked so well, she’s optimistic it won’t be an automatic implosion when whatever this is that’s going on lately ultimately ends. 

All these thoughts that have been accumulating since that first kiss flash through her brain again in quick succession when she finds herself suddenly flat on her back in Murphy’s bed, her spine arching up as they kiss so she can feel the exquisite drag of her breasts against his chest. He groans, and the rich sound of it rouses something in her, makes her fist her hand in his shirt and push as she moves her head against the pillow, breaking the frenzied kisses they’ve been sharing. 

“Wait,” she pants, sucking in air as she stares up at him. He looks wrecked that she’s made him stop, probably the same way she is, and she doesn’t want to draw this out, make either of them wait any longer than she already has. 

“If we do this, when it’s over and we’ve both gotten it out of our systems, we aren’t going to let this ruin us being friends, are we?”

Murphy frowns skeptically, shaking his head as though he can’t believe her question. “No, that would be stupid.”

“Yeah,” she breathes, feeling a loosening within her at his reassuring tone. Murphy doesn’t lie to her; that’s not how they do things. And he keeps his promises too. 

“You promise?”

It’s hard to make out details in the dark of his room, but she sees it all the same, the way his eyes go solemn and serious as he balances above her.

“I promise.”

His pledge sweeps away the last of her reservations, and the same certainty from the first night washes over her again, how she can fix this for both of them if she’ll only give in. There’s more want now though, days and days of it building within her from all the impromptu kissing sessions, from how she already knows the euphoric satisfaction he can give her. 

She interlaces her fingers at the back of his neck, pulling him down towards her once more. “Me too,” she whispers, just before sucking his bottom lip between hers. 

It only takes a moment for things to escalate to right where they left off, and soon after that she loses all sense of time again, pieces of her clothing abruptly gone to join his in piles on the floor. Neither of them are patient, their stop-and-go makeout sessions all week having frustrated them both, and she’s glad for it, not interested in slow or gentle now that her decision is final. The reactions of her body are all-consuming and she welcomes it wholly, giving herself up to sensation as she skims her hands everywhere, wanting to know what he likes best, what the skin just under his ear tastes like and if he enjoys it when she uses her teeth, how he’ll respond if she squeezes him just so. The give and take between them appeases something with her she didn’t know she needed, and it’s impossible to separate the sounds of pleasure that are torn from them both once he’s finally inside her. She’s close already, eager to come and somehow he knows without her having to say so, his fingers working magic while he thrusts deep and slow and exactly right to make her quiver, the orgasm powerful and intense enough to satisfy her but also has her craving more. He’s close too, and she wants to kiss him when he comes so she wraps herself tighter around him after she can move again, lifting up to meet each drive of his hips as she sucks his tongue into her mouth. His hand clamps around one of her wrists, holding it against the bed when he starts to jerk inside her, and she swallows his muffled groan against her lips, her free hand scratching lightly from the nape of his neck and down his back as far as she can reach and then up to do it all again as she savors the way he fills her. 

This time he shifts off her after a few minutes where they both lay unmoving, sweaty and satisfied. He kicks at the blanket by their feet until he can reach it and drag it up to cover them. There’s a brief flare of not-quite panic inside her at the thought of someone coming to look for her in a repair emergency and finding her here instead of in her own room, but it fades away, forgotten as Murphy pulls her into his side, his hand in her hair guiding her head onto his shoulder. 

She wants to give in, wants to extend the quiet in her mind that is so often out of her reach, so she lets him lead her until they’re cuddled together and comfortable, and Raven closes her eyes, content. 

* * *

The purged, lightened feeling of no lingering anger and resentment that he’s starting to associate with Raven is fully present when he holds her close, listening to the sounds of her steady breathing and the feel of her body relaxing further as she falls asleep against him. But this time he’s not as exhausted as he was that first night, too keyed up still from just how much she’d spooked him when she’d stopped him from kissing her earlier. He was sure she was going to end things between them almost before they had begun, and even though that’s not the way that it had worked out, thank fuck, he can’t ignore how his gut had clenched in warning when she had talked about them _getting this out of their systems_.

He had been right, that she was worrying them initiating a sexual relationship was going to damage their friendship. That wasn’t going to be a problem though, because he already knew he wouldn’t let that happen, not on his part or on hers either, because...well because Raven should never have been his friend to start with, but now that she was, he wasn’t going to let that go without a helluva fight. Wasn’t going to let her out of his life at all, ever, even after they weren’t trapped inside a metal circle floating in space anymore. 

The getting it out of their system thing though, that sentiment was creating some concern now that he’s clear on where her head is. He’s been so busy trying to figure out how to get her to agree to sleep with him that he never stopped to think about what would happen next except for phenomenal sex as often as possible. It figures Raven’s already planning on how things between them would finish. As often as they end up at the same place, they sure approach it in vastly different ways. If you ask him, the question is more _if_ things would end, rather than when or how. Because he can’t see any reason why it should, or why it would. Even the suggestion that he’s going to get Raven out of his system feels pretty laughable, considering just how long he’s been interested. 

It bothers him, that she’s already got their end in mind. There’s no question Raven is smarter than he is, that’s just more facts. And it makes sense probably, that Raven fixates on endings when she’s had so many of them in her short life. But there are some things _he_ knows too, and after all they’ve been through over the years, he knows her. Raven smothers her own needs under responsibility and determination until she’s on the verge of a tailspin, losing control and having an emotional collapse. He knows because he’s seen it, more than once. It’s not always her fault, everyone so often counting on her and her desire to not let them down playing a big part, but whenever she’s on her own, she takes it too far, sacrifices another piece of herself because she thinks that’s her role. He can see it already, with them being up here. The others don’t mean to do it, but all of them are a very poor and distant second place, if not far worse, in comparison to Raven when it comes to being instrumental in getting them back to Earth. Even Monty, for all his skills, is more adept at ideas than actual implementation. 

So the way he sees it, as long as she has too much stress piled on top of her, she’s gonna continue to need a release. Admittedly, he wants that outlet to be sex with _him_ , but even before that became an actual reality, he made sure he was an outlet of a different kind, pestering and tormenting her until she snapped at him so she could vent even in a small way. He likes pushing her buttons, always has and probably always will, but having her naked against him where he can look and touch and linger and tease such delicious little sounds from her throat is beyond anything. 

No, he can’t foresee wanting to stop, not when they’re stuck in the darkness together both literally and figuratively, and for damn sure not when it’s so good, when it feels so right to hold her in his arms. Luckily for him, one thing they've got plenty of is time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the patience! Am currently on vacation but plugging away at my prompts all the same! Appreciate kudos & comments as always, and hope you are all doing well & staying safe and healthy!


	3. I Want You To Stay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience with this last chapter, especially to the OP who requested this prompt! I had a lot going on in my personal life and then feeling stuck on a few scenes definitely didn't contribute to a smooth writing process this time around. I ended up changing a pretty big chunk of this story that wasn't working for me, but I am really happy this is finally complete and I hope you all like it after such a wait! I do like a three chapter format for a beginning, middle & end, but quite a lot goes on this chapter and it's over 14k on its own so get comfy! As always, more stories to come.

* * *

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/170152452@N02/50638123436/in/dateposted-public/)

* * *

Round and around and around and around we go

Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know

Not really sure how to feel about it

Something in the way you move

Makes me feel like I can't live without you

It takes me all the way

I want you to stay

Ooh, the reason I hold on

Ooh, 'cause I need this hole gone

Well, funny you're the broken one

But I'm the only one who needed saving

'Cause when you never see the light

It's hard to know which one of us is caving

_~ Stay, Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko_

When she wakes up this time, her cheek resting on Murphy’s chest and his heartbeat steady in her ear, Raven’s determined to handle _this_ morning better than the last one they shared. There’s more of a calmness within her after setting a few things straight last night, but that doesn’t mean everything’s going to be easy from here on out either, especially because when the two of them are involved, circumstances have been known to go from peaceful to problematic in an instant. 

She shifts her weight to lift her head, careful not to wake him as she looks down at his sleeping face. This isn’t ever where she would have expected them to end up, but it doesn’t feel wrong either. In fact, for the first time in a long while, she feels like she might be doing something right when it comes to her personal life. Her mind starts to wander as she considers the ramifications of that thought but she doesn’t leave his embrace, enjoying waking up in someone’s arms after so long. 

“Stop staring at me, I can feel it,” Murphy mumbles after a few minutes, his eyes still closed. 

“I’m thinking,” Raven tells him, and it’s mostly true, anyway. She _was_ thinking, about them, about him, about what they might tell their friends and when, but she was also just enjoying looking at him while he wasn’t aware of her eyes on him. 

Murphy blinks his lashes lazily, seemingly unwilling to fully awaken, but that’s fine by her, so she gives in to another urge where he’s concerned, letting her head rest once more on his chest, and his fingers lift to her hair, slowly playing with the strands. 

“You know, it wasn’t hard to figure out that you’ve been stalking me around the Ring in order to keep me from thinking too much. At least about what I was going to do about your…invitation, anyway.”

“Well, you _are_ a genius. And I wasn’t exactly subtle. But you can’t say it didn’t work, considering here we are.”

She laughs softly as he points out the obvious. “True. Here we are. I guess you following me around did work, but it’s not like I wasn’t _ever_ thinking about it. You just made it so I wasn’t obsessing. Which was actually pretty insightful of you, FYI.”

“That’s me, insightful.” His tone is tinged with sarcasm, but she's well-aware he deserves more credit than he takes. Maybe he planned it or maybe he didn’t, but keeping her distracted so she couldn’t fret every minute she was alone was a good choice on his part. 

“So what does this mean, that we’re doing this?”

Murphy tugs gently on her hair with an exaggerated sigh. “It can mean whatever we want. We don’t have to define it. Unless you need more specifics, I guess.”

“I just want to make sure we’re both on the same page. I don’t want this decision to end up creating problems - for us or anybody else. I don’t think anyone’s going to have any issues with this,” she gestures between the two of them, “but if we handle it poorly, then that changes things.”

Murphy sighs again, sounding pained this time, but the noise passes so quickly Raven isn’t sure if she misinterpreted him. “I get it, that this could complicate things if we aren’t careful. But like I said last night, it would be stupid of us to let sex be the thing that breaks us. I’m not planning to let it, are you?”

“No, of course not.” As much as she often takes reassurance from their eye contact, it’s easier to talk to him about what they’re doing with her head tucked under his chin. “I know we don’t know what’s going to happen. I mean god, I wouldn’t have expected us to end up _here_ even if someone told me. But I want you to be honest with me when things change for you, when this fizzles out and you want to go back to the way things were.”

He’s silent for a while, long enough that it makes her nervous to know if he agrees with her or not, though he doesn’t stop playing with her hair. It’s relaxing, soothing, but it also feels different than when Harper or Echo braid it for her. Murphy’s touch triggers something within her, sets her on edge at the same time she takes comfort from it. It’s been like that for years now, ever since she told him to leave her behind in Becca’s lab, when she impulsively hugged him and thought it might be the last human contact she’d ever have. Over the last three years there’s been countless casual touches between them, but the unique sensation has always been there, like a slight electrical charge only she can feel. Maybe she should have understood sooner what it meant, that there was always an undercurrent between them, just far enough below the surface that she could attempt to ignore it even though it never went away. 

Eventually Murphy quietly clears his throat and speaks, his voice gruff. “Telling the truth, whatever it may be, is the way we _both_ have to handle this. So if you want to stop, you have to tell me too. Not dance around it because you think I’ll be angry or something.”

She starts to nod even before he’s finished. “Same. Don’t worry about my feelings either. Just say what you want.” As soon as she says it, she expects some half-assed remark in response, like how he never worries about her feelings or that he always says what he wants, but the quip doesn’t come. The lack of snark makes her fully understand he’s taking this as seriously as she is. Not that she’s surprised, exactly. But Murphy taking conversation seriously is something to take note of, and she likes that something important to her is important to him too. 

He turns his body and rolls partially towards her so they’re face to face. There’s only a small amount of space between them but she misses the warmth of him against her so she scoots closer, wanting it back. 

“I did want to say something. I’ve been following you around the Ring, yeah, but I didn’t come to your room expecting anything from you that first night. I wasn’t trying to push you into having sex by showing up like that.”

“I know that. I could tell you had a bad dream, and no matter what, you can always come find me any time if you need that. We all know what it’s like to have nightmares. I wasn’t trying to push you into anything either - it was more that I thought there was a way I could take it away, maybe.”

“You did take it away,” he insists. “I slept better after.”

“Yeah. So did I. And I think it’s pretty obvious that we’re both going to do better with this kind of arrangement, so I guess the only other question I have is whether we’re going to tell anyone about it.”

Murphy raises his eyebrow, challenging her. “That’s more your call than mine. I don’t care who knows.”

“I feel like there might be less drama if we don’t make a big deal about it. Can we just see how things go, not really making an effort to say anything but not exactly hiding it either?”

“So we'll be whatever-whenever friends-with-benefits, the two of us helping each other out while being slightly secretive in a claustrophobic death trap in space… Sure, what could go wrong?”

“Damn it, Murphy. Now you’ve completely jinxed us.”

He grins at her dismay, and as much as he likes it when she says any version of his name, he wonders if she might ever call him John. It would probably feel like a significant step if she did, and he tries to shake the desire for it out of his mind considering he’s already damn lucky to have what he does. His hand curls around her hip as he pulls her to him and reassures her. “Nah. Nobody pays much attention to things around here that don’t concern them. Echo and Emori have been up to all kinds of things lately, and don’t even get me started on what Harper and Monty do. I bet you it’ll be awhile before anybody notices if we don’t tell them.”

“Oh? What should we bet?” 

“I’ll think of something,” Murphy promises, more than a hint of devilish insinuation in his tone, just before he leans in for a kiss. 

She can see the intent of it in his eyes, a brief thought flashing into her mind before his mouth reaches hers that the first time they did this it was about comfort, both of them chasing away the demons like they talked about being able to do for each other. And then last night, the second time...It may have been impulsive, but it was cementing that they were really going to do this, that they were agreeing to use sex with each other as a way to release the pressure they both felt. 

This time though, maybe this time was more about just _wanting_ to. She’s more okay with that conclusion than she would have expected, and then her own hands get busy sliding up to his shoulders as his fingers skim down her throat and all she wants to think about is how good this feels. 

* * *

Raven wakes up in a better mood than usual one morning a few weeks later, feeling almost cheerful as she walks down the corridor to join the others at breakfast. She and Murphy had been sneaking around, having sex-as-an-outlet for almost a month now, and it’s been doing wonders for her overall outlook as far as her anxiety about getting them home went. They would find each other every two days or so, sneaking into different rooms or off into an empty hallway, and there was no sign of either of them getting tired of the arrangement. If anything, things were heating up more than fizzling out, both of them taking more risks the more turned on they were. She could tell the others on the Ring had noticed her incrementally relaxed attitude, but so far no one had made the connection between her and Murphy. 

So it had been even harder to take when Bellamy’s harsh criticisms over the lack of progress on the radio had started before they’d finished their morning algae. It had put a damper on her whole day, and now, hours later, she still feels unsettled and hurt over it. 

It’s not like she doesn’t know how important it is to him, how much he wants to reach Octavia. But everything she’s tried only leads her to a dead-end, and her efforts are increasingly implausible. It’s possible there’s just no fixing it at this point and she should stop allowing him to have any hope at all, but she hasn’t been ready for that step either. Maybe it would be for the best at this point though, since the ongoing criticism was taking a bigger toll on her self-esteem every time. 

Swiping at her eyes, she tries in vain to fight the sting of tears as she hears the echoes of Bellamy’s callous words in her head once more. She’s alone for the time being, so she lays her head on the surface of her workbench, not usually one to succumb to self-pity, but having her good mood ruined so unexpectedly along with the mounting realization that the radio could be a lost cause has her wanting to give in and have a good cry. She’s soaked the sleeve of her shirt pretty heavily by the time a voice calls out to her from the doorway, and she looks up, her eyes sore as Murphy walks purposefully towards her. 

“You okay?” 

The tears still falling from her eyes makes her vision blurry as Murphy gets closer. Somehow the sight of him looking worried makes her want to cry harder, and there’s no stopping the choked sob that escapes her throat when he carefully places his arms around her like he’s not quite sure what to do. Raven gives in to the embrace, needing to be comforted, and when she rests her head on his shoulder she can feel him relax as he pulls her in tighter and starts to rub his hand up and down her back. 

“Did something happen?” he asks, voice filled with concern. 

Murphy wasn’t at breakfast so he didn’t hear things for himself. The specifics aren’t important though, just the feeling of failure over it; that she’s letting Bellamy down. 

“Bellamy’s angry about the radio again,” she sniffs. “I’m so frustrated I can’t fix it.”

After she gets out the explanation, his hand stops moving along her back, and then she can feel him deliberately take a deep breath, his chest expanding gently against her as the soothing glide of his fingers begins again. 

“You’ve been doing everything you can think of. If Bellamy took his head out of his ass for a minute he’d realize that. Maybe it’s not anything you can control.”

“Giving up on the radio is hard for _me_ to accept, so I don’t even know how Bellamy would take it. You know how bad he wants it.” Her crying has slowed while they’ve been talking, though she knows it’s the comfort of being held that’s the main reason she’s calming down and becoming less upset.

“I know.” Murphy tilts her chin up to look at him. “It’s not your fault it isn’t working, Raven. Tell me you get that.”

She feels vulnerable under his gaze, knowing her cheeks are tear-streaked and her eyes are red and puffy. The absolution from him feels like a balm to her mounting insecurities, but she isn’t sure she deserves it. Her doubt must show because Murphy’s eyes narrow on hers. 

“I’m serious. The radio is _not_ your fault. Don’t let Bellamy or that voice inside your own head tell you otherwise. Some things can’t be fixed no matter how hard you try.”

Raven nods slowly, not completely convinced but if Murphy’s this sure about it then she shouldn’t dismiss his opinion. Besides, she really _has_ tried everything she’s capable of doing. 

Staring at him like this activates that curious pull between them, and it’s so natural to move her arms from around his waist onto his shoulders, leaning up so she can kiss him. Concerns about the radio float away as he closes the gap between them, but she wonders for what could be the hundredth time if this really fits into the parameters of their arrangement since it’s not exactly stress relief this time around either. But then his hands slide under the edge of her shirt and caress the bare skin on her lower back and the answer never comes. 

* * *

When a staccato series of knocks rap on her door not long after dinner, Raven gets up to open it quickly, hoping it’s Murphy but finding Echo instead. Some of her disappointment must be evident, because Echo raises her eyebrows as she strides in and plops down on Raven’s bed. 

“Were you expecting someone else?” she grins. 

“No, of course not,” Raven dismisses as casually as she can. 

“Mmm-hmm,” Echo mumbles, her expression far too knowing for Raven’s tastes. “Well, I won’t keep you, but I wanted to talk. Wanted to thank you again, actually.”

“For what?”

“Oh, just the tiny little update that Emori and I have decided to move in together, that’s all.”

“Really?” Raven squeals, walking over to sit next to Echo on the bed to give her friend a hug. “That’s great! I’m so happy for you two.”

“Thanks. And I do mean it, me wanting to thank you again. Because if you hadn’t kissed me in that closet, I don’t think we’d have gotten as far as we have with our relationship. Definitely not at this pace, anyway. And where we are is really good.”

“What’s a little kissing between friends, right?” Raven jokes, thinking back to that crazy night that had apparently started so much for both of them. 

“Funny you should say that,” Echo laughs, but there’s a decidedly naughty note to it. “Because I actually went looking for you earlier today, _before_ dinner. Emori wanted Murphy to hear the news from her first, so she went to find him while I headed to your workshop. And you’ll never guess what I saw when I got to the doorway.”

Raven freezes in place, her eyes widening as she immediately understands exactly what Echo’s getting at. 

“I can explain,” Raven begins, but Echo cuts her off. 

“Oh, you don’t need to explain. What I heard and saw was pretty clear.” The smirk on Echo’s face is almost too much to bear. 

“Fine,” Raven caves, her shoulders slumping. It had been too good to be true anyway, that they’d managed just over a whole month without anyone finding out that she and Murphy were sleeping together. “Murphy and I have...an agreement.”

Echo practically cackles. “An agreement, huh? One where you cry and he comforts you all soft and sweet and then a few minutes later you’re all over each other like you should get a room? _That_ kind of agreement?”

Apparently she really had seen plenty. And knowing Echo there’s no way she’s going to drop the subject either. 

Raven lays back against her pillow, surrendering to the inevitable. “I kissed him when we were playing Harper’s closet game. Not on purpose but not _not_ -on-purpose either. I don’t know. It was a chaotic night. And then things kind of just...escalated.”

“This explains _so much_ about why you haven’t been as snappish lately. I mean, I’m assuming it’s good or you wouldn’t keep it up.” Echo looks at her expectantly, settling back on the bed herself like she’s down for a long chat. 

Raven rolls her eyes. It figures Echo would comment on her better mood. Not that she’s wrong. Part of her wants to talk to her friend about it all now that the secret’s out, at least to one person anyway, but she wonders if maybe it’s too weird. 

“It’s kind of strange though, right? I’m having sex with the ex-boyfriend of your new girlfriend. That just sounds wrong.”

Echo shrugs one shoulder carelessly. “It’s not like there’s a lot of options up here. And it’s only weird if we look at it that way.” She smiles cagily, making Raven remember how dangerous Echo can be. “I doubt Emori and Murphy are going to talk about it together, so we might as well, shouldn’t we?”

She makes a good point. Not to mention Raven really does want to now that the option is available to her. “Alright, we can talk about it. But only under one condition.”

Echo raises an eyebrow, tilting her head for Raven to continue. 

“You can’t tell anybody,” Raven demands. “Not about anything I share with you but also about Murphy and me at all. When we’re ready to share it with the group, _we’ll_ be the ones who do it. And until then, _you_ know nothing. Got it?”

“Yeah. I’m good with that. Although don’t you think there’s a chance Murphy’s going to tell Emori since she’s letting him know that she and I are moving in together?”

Raven considers for a moment. “I don’t think so. He might want to tell her himself but he said he’d follow my lead on keeping it quieter even though he doesn’t care who knows.”

“You’re going to tell him _I_ know now, right?”

“Of course. But don’t take things too far teasing him about it!”

“Come on, that’s no fun!”

“I’m not saying not at all, but… I don’t know what this _is_ , exactly. So don’t push, I guess.”

“Oh, I get it,” Echo snorts knowingly. “Don’t scare him off because you don’t want to stop yet.”

Grinning at her friend’s ability to get to the point, this time Raven is the one who shrugs, her voice a little smug. “Well, I _am_ in a better mood. Even you noticed.”

The two women laugh together, carefree for a change as they share secrets until they’re both yawning. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Yo, Bellamy, wait up!” Murphy jogs to catch up with Bellamy, who’s doing his daily runs around the Ring. Which often turns into multiple runs a day depending on his mood. Sometimes Murphy joins him, sometimes others as well, but Bellamy seems to enjoy running alone the most. 

“If you want to talk, then you gotta keep up,” Bellamy pants, winded since he’s completed a few laps already. 

“Fine. But if I’m running, then you’re listening.” Murphy warns him, falling into place beside him. “You gotta stop being so hard on Raven about the radio.”

“I’m not being hard on her,” Bellamy denies. “It’s been three years. That radio should be working by now.”

“Says who? You suddenly some expert on radio waves and radiation? You _want_ it fixed by now, yeah, but you don’t know how to go about making it work and Raven does. And you know if she’s not had any luck by now then it probably means it’s practically unsalvageable. She’s got enough on her plate making sure we all don’t die up here and figuring out a way for us to get home. Stop making her feel like shit because she can’t solve problem three-thousand-and-twelve.”

“You don’t get it, Murphy. Maybe you don’t have anyone you care about talking to on Earth, but I do. I need that radio working.”

“No, _you’re_ the one that doesn't get it. Don’t for a minute think that we all don’t understand why you’re so obsessed with the radio. We know how important it is. Can’t you understand that it hurts her that she can’t give you that? And you just keep berating her for it like she’s withholding it on purpose or something.”

Bellamy sighs out a loud huff of air, slowing his pace. “Okay. I’m invested in the radio, I can admit it. And there’s not a damn thing I can do to fix it myself because it’s mostly over my head, and I hate that. So maybe I’ve been too hard on Raven but it’s because I know how much of a boost it would give to all of us if we knew there were survivors down there.”

“There’s no maybe about it. Raven works harder than anybody else up here, and even if your reasons for getting on her case are all noble and good and shit, you’re still being an asshole about it.”

“Since when did you take on the role of Raven’s defender?”

“See, in case you need an example, you’re being an asshole right now. And yep, it takes one to know one. Come on, man. I care about her, and I know you do too but you’re too busy being a jerk to remember. You made her cry yesterday. She doesn’t deserve that but she thinks it’s her fault she hasn’t figured out a way to fix it. If you can’t see what you’re doing to her, and she’s not sticking up for herself, then somebody needs to set you straight about it.”

Bellamy stops running and leans against the wall, chest heaving from exertion. He takes a few deep breaths as he warily watches Murphy out of the corner of his eye. “Fine. I’m taking it too far. I didn’t mean to make her cry, shit. I just need something to keep me going, and reaching the bunker, talking to Octavia… I just can’t stop thinking about it, how much easier it would be to keep doing this.”

“I get it. I do. And I’m not saying that you or Raven should give up on the radio. But you gotta stop with the guilt trips. She’s tougher on herself than you could ever be, but if you keep picking at her like this it’s going to create bigger problems. You can’t put the blame for the busted radio on her, even if it never gets up and running.”

“I can, though.” Bellamy’s response is quick, bitter. “Because if we hadn’t left the bunker in Polis to go after Raven, I’d be inside it right now, with Octavia. With Clarke. And the radio wouldn’t matter.”

Murphy shakes his head in disbelief. “Oh, you’ve been holding onto that one for a while, haven’t you? Alright then, fine. Maybe if _you_ hadn’t left the bunker, you’d be safe and cozy inside with Octavia and Clarke. But then it’s pretty nice to have friends in high places, huh?”

“What are you talking about?” Bellamy sneers, and Murphy wonders just how long Bellamy has been allowing these thoughts to fester. 

“You’re only remembering the bits you like. Maybe things _would_ have been great for you, with Octavia winning the fight and having a big say in who got to live in the bunker. And of course Clarke had it made with Abby being in charge and a doctor. But you opening that door meant that me and Emori had no guarantees, and frankly our odds were shit. Monty & Harper wouldn’t have made it to the bunker in time, and Echo was kicked out. Raven would have died alone. The rest of us owe our lives to Raven, and you didn’t have to go after her, you know. You _chose_ that.”

Bellamy slumps down against the wall, sliding until he’s sitting on the floor, his legs stretched out in front of him. “I know! I know, alright! I know I chose to go rescue Raven, and it’s not that I regret that. I regret letting Clarke come too. If she hadn’t, she could be safe right now, and maybe it would have been me who was left behind.”

“Like ‘letting’ Clarke was anything you could have controlled,” Murphy scoffs, sitting down across from his friend. “She wanted to go after Raven too, and you wouldn’t have been able to stop that any more than I could’ve changed things for Raven. Hell, I never really wanted to leave her at the lab to begin with, but she was so insistent that she was dying. I felt like it wasn’t my place to argue with what she wanted, not when she was deteriorating and hallucinating right in front of my eyes. I couldn’t stay and watch her die though, not even on her own terms. So I left her there despite how it didn’t feel right.”

“I don’t know how bad it got, since I left the lab before you did. I know she had a plan to go to space. What made her change her mind?”

“You never talked to her about this?” Murphy asks skeptically. Not that he knows everything that happens on the Ring, but it seems like a given that Bellamy would be aware of what Raven went through, especially considering he himself knows all about it, the two of them having discussed it one night not all that long after they’d made it to space. 

“No. I never asked and she didn’t volunteer. I didn’t want to open the door to anything about Clarke, about me putting blame on Raven for it all because even I knew it wasn’t _really_ her fault. It’s just easier to blame Raven than myself.”

Murphy laughs, the unpleasant kind that burns his throat. “Yeah, don’t I know that feeling. Blaming others is always easier. You should ask her about it, but she was planning to float herself at the end. At least that’s what she called it. Ultimately she started hallucinating Sinclair, and thank fuck she did since the version of him in her head kind of talked some sense into her and convinced her to save her life instead of giving up on it. Then she basically drowned herself, literally died, and then shocked herself back to life with some wild plan. Don’t ask me for details, I zoned out on that part because it was creepy as hell to imagine her doing all that.”

“Shit. I knew it was something crazy but I didn’t know what she went through.”

“Everybody up here has been through a lot, but I think we both know that Raven has gotten a rotten hand. She doesn’t need or want anyone to be careful with her, but you’ve gotta let go of whatever grudge you’re carrying because the two of you at odds is the last thing we need.”

A wry grin pulls at Bellamy’s lips. “When did you get to be the group therapist, Murphy?”

“Yeah, that’s me, always helpful.”

“You don’t make an effort for just anything, and talking to me about my _feelings_ is definitely an effort, at least where you’re concerned. If I didn’t know better, I’d say someone might have an ulterior motive.”

“Is that so?” Part of him wants to know what Bellamy would say if he knew what he and Raven were already getting up to when everyone else wasn’t paying attention, but he told her they’d keep things quiet and that’s what he’s going to do. “Can’t a guy just want everybody to get along and play happy family?”

Bellamy’s hearty laughter rings out loudly in the corridor. “The day you encourage us all to be a happy family is the day hell freezes over. You’re the last one I’d expect to encourage us all to get along.”

“Maybe. Or maybe not. I told you once that you weren’t the only one who had someone you cared about. Don’t tell me you still don’t believe it.”

“That’s true. I know you care. You wouldn’t be here and on my case about Raven if you didn’t. Maybe the question isn’t really _if_ you care anymore, Murphy. Maybe it’s _how much_.”

At that Bellamy gets up from his spot on the floor. He looks down at Murphy, looking less burdened than when they had started their conversation. 

“You were right, and you’ve made your point. I’ll apologize to Raven about the shit I said about the radio. I’m not giving up on it but I’ll do better with the way I approach her. Now I’ve got some advice for you - don’t wait if there’s something you need to say to her. I learned the hard way that you don’t always get another chance.”

With that Bellamy jerks his head in a brief nod, jogging off in the same direction he had been headed in before his run was interrupted. 

In his wake he leaves Murphy feeling rather stunned, the insinuation Bellamy was making more than obvious. He was talking about Clarke, how he didn’t get a chance to tell her something he needed to say. Murphy doesn’t need to be a genius to figure out what Bellamy was getting at, but what is he supposed to do? Tell Raven that if it’s up to him, they’re not going to have an end point? That as much as he really fucking likes all the sex they’re having - and damn, he _really_ does - that he’d give up far more of it than he wants to admit, if it meant she’d stay with him every night instead of only when she falls asleep after they exhaust each other. Is he supposed to tell her that she makes space more bearable for him, always has, even before when they were friends? Because it’s been like that since they first came back to this metal pile of junk, but now it’s gotten even better because listening to her stories about spacewalking and the stars and the possibilities of what’s out there while they’re in bed together, her body curled up next to him chips away at his own negative memories and makes him feel like it isn’t such a horrible place after all. Never in a million years would he have ever thought that he could be almost content living in space but thanks to her, that’s how he feels about it - is that what he should say? That as crazy as it sounds he genuinely believes they make sense together and what if there’s more to them than just sex; that wouldn’t be so bad, right?

Shit. Probably Bellamy means he should tell her all of that. 

  
  


* * *

Murphy doesn’t seem upset when Raven tells him that Echo caught them in her workshop and knows what they’re up to. In fact, if she had to venture a guess, she’d say he was actually pleased that things weren’t a complete secret anymore. She has a feeling that might change though, once Echo starts in on the teasing and taunting, but that’ll be between the two of them because she’s not getting involved. With someone else knowing what they’re doing, Raven isn’t certain how much longer they can keep it from everyone else, especially because she doesn’t want Echo to have to keep a secret from Emori for too long. 

She brings it up one night, when they’re lying together in her bed after sex. Sometimes they make it to one of their bedrooms and sometimes they don’t, but she likes it best when they do. When they get to a bedroom before they get carried away, they tend to stay with each other all night afterwards, and she gets a better rest then and suspects that Murphy does too. They don’t sleep together every night, but it’s more frequent than it was at the start, almost like an unspoken decision between them that neither of them will leave after, no matter who’s bed they end up in. 

“I think we should tell the others, now that Echo knows. She’ll be careful but I don’t know how long we can keep it a secret. We’ve almost gotten caught a few times anyway.”

Murphy offers a neutral-sounding grunt in response. “Whatever you want.”

She cranes her neck to look over her shoulder at him while he's pressed up against her back. “Do you want to talk to Emori first?”

“I should. I’ll tell her tomorrow and then you can tell everyone else whenever, okay?”

“Yeah. I think it’ll be fine.”

“It’ll be fine.” 

He kisses the nape of her neck and she can feel the dip in the mattress as he gets more comfortable, tucking his knees behind hers in preparation for sleep. Murphy is more affectionate than she might have expected, so many of his touches reflex rather than deliberation, and it’s impossible for her not to like it, especially when they’re alone. After he tugs the blanket where he wants it and goes still, she expects their conversation to be over until morning, but a few minutes later his voice breaks the quiet once more. 

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“How come you never call me John?”

She rolls over to look at him, her eyes wide at the unexpected question. “I didn’t know you wanted me to.”

“I might not hate it.”

Swatting him lightly on his bare chest, she rolls her eyes, weighing how to explain her perspective. “I guess it never occurred to me. You’ve always been Murphy ever since I first landed on the ground. Not John. And Murphy is the name I use when I think of you in my head.”

“Oh you think about me, do you? Please tell me all your thoughts about me are pornographic.”

Laughing at his foolishness, she lets her smile turn a little devious when she answers him. “I might entertain a few very dirty possibilities. But in addition to those, there are times I curse at you in my head too. But whatever it is, you’re always Murphy! Imagine if I asked you to suddenly start calling me something different than Raven. Murphy is familiar; I know him. John feels like...someone else.”

“Whether it’s John or Murphy, either way you know who I am,” he asserts, his tone leaving no room for argument. “You don’t have to call me John. I’m just saying it’s an option.”

“I suppose I can try to think of you with a different name.”

“You should do it the next time we have sex, like a role-playing game where I’m the-”

She cuts him off with a fond kiss that turns into something a little more heated the longer it goes, and there’s more than a sliver of reluctance on her part when she eventually pulls away. “I have to get up early. I promised Emori we’d redo a few simulations before breakfast.”

“We can talk more about role-playing tomorrow then.” 

He’s incorrigible, his eyes almost laughing as he anticipates her retort, but more than anything she wishes she could push him even further, to see exactly where he’d take this game. But she _did_ promise Emori….

Rolling back onto her side, she grabs his hand and yanks him closer to encourage him to resume his previous position with him snuggled up behind her. “Go to sleep, _Murphy._ ”

He pulls her more firmly against him with a quick grip of her hips, the arm he slings over her waist squeezing her in a hug for a moment before it slackens, and it’s not long after that his breathing evens out. 

It takes her longer to drift off, her mind occupied with what she’s going to say to Harper and Monty and Bellamy, and if things between her and Emori will be weird over the news. She doesn’t really think so but having a plan will make her feel more prepared. Just like maybe she should plan how to dodge any questions her friends ask that she’s not ready to answer when it comes to her and Murphy and what exactly they’re doing. 

With every day that passes, the more unsure she is about how to describe what’s between them. Even in the beginning it wasn’t always about relieving stress, and at over a month in, the changes in their relationship feel more substantial than just two friends who turn to each other for sex when they’re angry or agitated. Already it’s becoming a habit, the good kind that forms when you repeat something you enjoy, but she knows she shouldn’t get used to this, shouldn’t expect it to last. Nothing ever does, life has taught her that much. 

But as she settles back into the curve of his body and rests her head on his pillow, she thinks about all the time alone they’ve been spending together, how he listens to her as she tells him about the stars they can see from her tiny window, the way he’d told her his dad used to celebrate his every birthday with a silly song he made up before his family imploded, and how sometimes she wakes up to him watching her with a look on his face she can’t fully explain but it always makes her heart beat faster. She thinks about all of it, aware that no matter what happens next, she can’t regret that drunken kiss he provoked her into starting. 

* * *

Harper’s reaction is the most predictable, when Raven tells the rest of them a few days later at dinner. Murphy’s conveniently absent, but everyone else is there, and he had already let her know that he informed Emori, like he said he would. Thankfully she and Emori had only had about five awkward minutes together in the workshop afterwards, but then they both got over it and everything went back to normal between them. Monty and Bellamy are tougher to read though, each of them looking vaguely alarmed after Raven matter-of-factly informs them that she and Murphy are sleeping together. 

“Say that part again,” Monty urges her, after he makes a show of rubbing his ear like he couldn’t possibly have heard things right. 

Rolling her eyes, Raven repeats herself. “I said Murphy and I are sleeping together, and no, it’s not up for discussion. You don’t have to understand it - I’m just letting you know because it’s bound to come out at some point, and we thought it might be better to tell you than get caught.”

“I think you guys are adorable,” Echo teases, over-the-top sweet and complete with fluttering eyelashes. 

“Shut up,” Raven mutters, but everyone ignores her. 

“Did you _know_?” Harper demands as she scowls across the table at Echo, sounding affronted that she’s not the first one to hear the news. 

“I caught them together a few weeks ago,” Echo confides smugly. “I don’t know how you guys have missed it. All those intense looks and years of yelling had to mean something, right? They’re _so_ obvious.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Raven glares. “We are _not_ obvious. And anyway, it’s not a big deal so everyone can just change the subject.”

Bellamy smacks his hand onto the table like he’s had a revelation, barrelling forward like he didn’t even hear her. “I should have known! I mean, I did, sort of, but not really? He was pretty cagey about it, honestly. But I knew _something_ was up.”

Raven has absolutely no idea what Bellamy’s talking about, but before she can ask what he means, Emori tugs on her sleeve so she turns to look at her instead. 

“I forgot to mention it, but just in case I wasn’t already clear, don’t feel like you can’t move in together right away or anything. If that’s something you’re talking about, of course. If that’s what you want, you should do it! I love being in the same room with Echo, and I wish I hadn’t taken so long to figure things out.”

“No, we - well, that’s not…” Emori’s comment flusters her and she’s not quite sure what to say, especially because the idea doesn’t sound awful at all but then she's saved from further stammering because Harper shoots to her feet and everyone’s attention goes right to her. 

“No way are we changing the subject, Raven! I want all the details! Come sit by me on the couch and tell me _everything_. Monty will clean up, won’t you sweetie?” 

Harper doesn’t wait for an answer from either of them, pushing her chair out of the way as she grabs Raven’s arm to half-drag her along to the couch. Raven looks back at her friends to see if anyone will help her out, but Emori only shrugs sheepishly at Echo and the two of them follow behind Harper, clearly not coming to her rescue and intent on hearing the details themselves. As she gets pulled away, she hears Monty grumble to Bellamy while they start to pick up the dishes. 

“This is weird, right? I can’t possibly be the only one who thinks so.”

She blocks out whatever Bellamy has to say in response, already overwhelmed and wishing she had an escape. 

“Raven, how long has this been going on?” Harper asks, jerking Raven onto the couch cushion next to her, and Raven resigns herself to the fact that she’s not going anywhere. 

Yeah, Murphy had the right idea, being scarce. She’s going to have to make him suffer a little for this one. 

  
  


* * *

He can hear voices from the hallway, when he’s on his way to the kitchen. People are in the movie room, and whatever they were watching must be over or paused, because there isn’t any background noise, only bits of conversation drifting through the open doorway. Murphy’s not one to pass up eavesdropping, not when it’s so convenient anyway, and especially not when there’s a serious lack of entertainment during the long days in space. There’s no one else in the corridor, so he crouches down like he’s fixing the lace on his boot and tilts his ear towards the door so he can pick up on the latest. 

“- don’t think it’s a problem. They’re both adults.”

That’s Harper talking, and he’d bet chores that she’s got her arms crossed while she says it since she sounds defensive. 

“I’m not saying they can’t do what they want, just that it’s weird. I left my sweatshirt in the living room the other day and when I went to grab it, I saw Raven sitting and reading. From the back it looked like she was by herself so I started talking to her, but when I walked over, Murphy was sprawled out on the couch with her, his head in her lap.”

Definitely Monty with that reply, and Murphy grins as he remembers the incident Monty’s talking about. Raven had been idly running her hand through his hair while she’d read, and he’d been relaxed and half-asleep until Monty had cheerfully greeted her, interrupting their solitude. Murphy had glared at Monty as he chatted with Raven, a dirty look on his face that made it clear he wanted the other man gone, and it hadn’t been long before Monty took the hint. From his spot in her lap, Raven probably couldn’t have even seen the expression he’d given Monty, but she’d still chided him for being rude, though her fingers began to comb back through his hair anyway. He’d gotten a good nap in after that. 

“That’s not weird, Monty - it’s sweet. They’ve put up with us snuggling on that couch, so if they want to, I think we should return the favor.”

Murphy isn’t surprised by Harper’s defense of them. After he and Raven had gotten caught by Echo that day in her workshop, he’d figured it wouldn’t be long before the secret spread or Raven would decide to tell everyone else, and he wasn’t disappointed they had been found out somewhat quickly. A part of him had wanted to tell the rest of them they were sleeping together as soon as they started, but he’d given in to Raven because he knew she needed some semblance of control over what they were doing, and them keeping it quiet had been a part of that for her. It had been nice to learn she wasn’t upset when Echo found out though, and he knew the only reason they didn’t announce it right after that was because Emori and Echo moving in together had been enough of an adjustment for their friends. One shocking relationship at a time, he supposed. Waiting had meant putting up with Echo’s sly little digs and sarcastic remarks when she could make them quietly and especially out of Raven’s hearing. Which were often pretty funny, though he wouldn’t be telling Echo he thought so. 

Even with all the sudden changes within the group these last few months, Harper hadn’t seemed fazed at all - at least according to Raven who had spilled the beans to everyone else. He’d made an effort and informed Emori himself first. It had gone pretty decently, actually, and the more time that passed, the more he thought it was possible that he and Emori could find their way back to being friends. Which would be a good thing for all of them when it came to keeping the peace, but more than that, it finally felt like something they both wanted. 

Raven had complained that he’d gotten off easy since he wasn’t present when she’d told the others, but she didn’t know that Harper had approached him a couple days afterwards, a sweet grin on her face but her words an absolute threat as she reminded him that she’d packed a few guns when they left Becca’s lab, just in case he got any ideas about making Raven upset. It was impressive, actually. And she’d been supportive ever since, even winking at him last night when she’d caught his eye after he’d discreetly - or so he’d thought - pulled Raven into his lap on the couch they were sharing at the back of the movie room. So yeah, he thinks Harper’s been pretty decent about the whole thing. 

When it comes, Monty’s reply to Harper is muffled, and Murphy can only put together something about _hands_ , maybe _wall_ or _hall_ , and definitely _tongue_. Which makes him grin because he’s definitely had his hands all over Raven against the wall _and_ in the halls, and it’s possible - no, probably likely - that Monty has seen him kissing her in any number of places throughout the Ring now that he knows what they’re up to. Raven cares more about privacy than he does, but if he gets her preoccupied enough, she forgets her surroundings, which is fine by him. 

There’s more smothered noise, maybe a snort from Harper, and then a third voice, a deeper one, speaks up after a brief pause. 

“I’m not sure what to think about it, but Murphy _has_ been spending more time with the rest of us. Both of them seem like they’re more pleasant to be around lately, right? I’m not imagining that. If them sleeping together brings us all a little extra peace, maybe we should put up with their public cuddling and enjoy it while it lasts.”

He hadn’t realized Bellamy was in there too, but his opinion isn’t entirely wrong. It's not quite right though either. He and Raven are both in better moods ever since she gave in to him, just like he knew they would be if they had the outlets they each needed. But that’s the overly simplified explanation for it, because it’s not just sex making him feel better able to control his temper, or that has him more willing to be sociable than he’s felt for a really long time. It annoys him that Bellamy’s talking about them in the same sort of way that Raven seems to view what they’re doing - that they’re temporary and at some point, they’ll end. Why does everyone assume this is some fleeting thing between them? Is he the only one who thinks they’re good for each other for more than just a short-lived reprieve?

It’s hard to know what to think. The only thing that he knows for sure is that Raven makes him feel…differently…than anyone else ever has. There’s something about her, something he’s drawn to. He isn’t really sure what it is or what it might mean, but he’s been convinced since that first reckless kiss that what’s between them is supposed to happen, necessary somehow, and that belief has only been cemented with every touch since. Whether they were sitting next to each other at a meal with their thighs pressed together and their fingers intertwined under the table, or with her legs stretched out in his lap as they watched a movie or curled together in one of their beds, it all feels so natural to reach out for her. Raven brings a sense of steadiness and stability that fulfills something he needs, something he wants, even if he had no idea he was missing it to begin with.

He hasn’t told her any of the things that occurred to him after the conversation he had with Bellamy, but he’s been thinking about it all constantly, wondering whether it’s anything she wants to hear. Probably not, not when she’s just as firm in her belief that they’ve got an expiration date as Bellamy is. 

Straightening from his hunched over position on the floor, Murphy tries to get rid of the disgruntled frown that won’t seem to leave his face as he turns and walks back the way he came, not wanting to hear any more of the discussion in the movie room. And while he’s at it, he’s going to skip the group dinner too. He needs to go hit something in the makeshift exercise room they’ve set up. 

* * *

This ‘whatever, whenever’ situation she’s agreed to didn’t seem quite as literal when they first hashed it out, but Raven can tell from Murphy’s turbulent expression and stormy eyes that even he doesn’t know quite what he needs when he finds her sparring with Echo a few hours after dinner. She doesn’t say anything to Echo to explain she’s cutting their session short, just gives a quick nod of her head and a raised eyebrow arched in Murphy’s direction and that’s enough. She grabs one of the fabric scraps they use for towels as she walks past the table, her hand going to Murphy’s arm as they walk into the corridor, and without much thought about it, she heads towards the tiny space he calls his bedroom. No matter what’s bothering him, they’ll have more quiet there. 

He hadn’t joined them for their latest meal, and while he had been hanging out with the rest of them more often ever since that fateful night with Monty’s moonshine, he was still Murphy. And that meant there were times he just wanted to be alone, so she hadn’t thought much about it when he hadn’t been around earlier. Now that she’s seen him, there’s no doubt something’s been nagging at him, making her worry about the cause. When they reach his room, she goes in first, Murphy shutting the door firmly behind them as she turns in concern. 

“Hey, what’s going on?”

He’s on her before she gets the full question out, swallowing her words and kissing her with an urgency that catches her off-guard. Following his lead, she gives in to it, meeting his intensity until they’re both breathless. They’ve been together often enough now that sex between them can sometimes be slow, drawn out to test both their limits and drive each other crazy, but this is nothing like that, not with Murphy so agitated and on edge. The scrape of his teeth on her lips, her neck, her earlobe is sharp as he makes quick work on the fastenings of her pants, pushing them down her hips until he can wedge his hand inside her underwear to slip his fingers inside her. She’s wet already, getting more aroused by the second, but she’s frustrated by the limited movements she can make with her clothes around her thighs and her brace still on. 

“I need to be inside you,” Murphy demands, his voice low and dangerous, and it sparks off another wave of desire in her as she clings to him. 

“On the bed,” Raven gasps as he strokes a particularly good spot before they both tumble down towards the mattress on the floor in an ungraceful heap, tangled together so that she’s not sure where he ends and she begins. 

Forcing herself to focus just long enough to undo the latches on her brace, she gets it off with shaking fingers, turning to Murphy’s pants as soon as the job is completed. Clothes are thrown haphazardly onto the floor while they keep their hands and mouths occupied as they get naked, and whatever was bothering him seems to be urging him on, his movements and touches rougher, more possessive than usual but she won’t be complaining. No, she more than likes this shift in him, neither of them careful as they practically fight for who’s in control of their kisses. His mood feeds hers; she lets the frustrated energy rippling off him work her up, fueling her own agitation as she lets it make her greedy and wanton. She hooks her knee over his hip and rolls them both until she’s on top of him, the hot, hard length of his cock throbbing against her palm as she strokes him firmly a few times before lining him up and sinking down slowly, taking him fully inside her. 

He throws his head back on the pillow, mouth open on a long moan as she begins to ride him, and when he tries to put his hands on her hips she stops him, grabbing his wrists and pushing them up alongside his head, her breasts squeezed against his chest. The change in angle is delicious, gets him deeper and she wants to come so badly as she slides up and down, knowing it’s good for him too but almost not caring as long as she gets what she wants. She likes being in control, taking what she needs from him all the while knowing the feeling is mutual, that he’s just as inflamed as she is, his eyes hot as they look into hers. Murphy bucks his hips, tilting his chin to kiss her again, messy and wild and with no finesse from either of them as she grinds her cunt down onto him at a pace that’ll leave her thighs sore tomorrow. He’s so good inside her, filling her up while his mouth sucks a meandering path to her ear and his filthy whispers spur her on. 

“That’s it, baby, just like that. Take all your frustrations out on me. You know you want to, you know you need it. Fuck me until you come so hard everybody will hear you.”

It’s a turn-on at the same time it’s infuriating, that a few dirty words stimulate her so much that it only takes another twist of her pelvis and a wicked bite to the side of her neck and then she’s there, a mangled shout on her lips as she trembles and squeezes him until she’s shaky and light-headed, her body slumping onto Murphy’s chest, boneless and wrung-out while she tries to remember how to breathe. 

His wrists no longer pinned down, Murphy wraps one arm around her upper back as he uses their weight to flip positions, rolling her below him against the mattress before she knows what he intends. One of his hands drifts down onto the thigh of her injured leg to spread her open wider as he thrusts, and he’s just as relentless as she was, fast and forceful and hitting all the right spots to make her see stars. She stretches her right foot away from his waist, drawing it up slowly until she can drape her knee over his elbow so he can get that much deeper, relishing the grunt of torment he makes when he looks down to watch himself disappear into her cunt and then slowly ease back out. 

He leans in close, their skin sweaty and slippery against each other as she lifts her hands to the back of his neck, pulling him down for another desperate kiss. He lets her, but only for a moment until he pulls back, his blue eyes burning with lust she knows must be reflected in her own stare. When he speaks, she can feel his words as much as hear them, his mouth almost-but-not-quite touching hers, and it’s not fair that he can be coherent, not when he’s dragging her right back to another orgasm. 

“I knew it would be like this,” he tells her, and at least his voice isn’t steady as he takes in a harsh breath of air. “I know you need this, I know us fucking is keeping you sane because it’s like that for me too. Say it. Tell me you need this.”

It’s too much - his words, his cock, the pressure inside her building and she’s so _full_ , her senses overloaded so much she writhes against the sheet beneath him, unsure if she’s trying to evade him or force him deeper, mindless as her body seeks release. 

“ _Say it_ , Raven.” He’s not far behind her, she can feel it, his voice arrogant but obviously strained. There’s something in the way he looks at her so intently - for a split-second she realizes he needs her to answer, _needs_ her to give in to his demand even if she doesn’t understand why. 

“Yesss,” she gasps, her breasts heaving as she struggles to talk, “I need you to fuck me! Please!”

Her confession does something to him, unleashes him maybe since he pounds into her even harder, forceful enough to drive her up the bed. Lucid thoughts are beyond her then, not while his fingers fondle her clit and his thumb pushes down at the same time he slams his hips home, all that pressure inside her shattering into a million pieces as she hears him call out her name. 

It’s impossible to tell which of them comes first, both of them going up in flames together. 

  
  


* * *

The hitting isn’t enough of a distraction. He’s been letting out his anger for hours, beating on the dummy equipment cobbled together around the room after overhearing the conversation between Monty, Harper and Bellamy. All he can think about is Raven. About what Bellamy told him, saying the things he should say while he had the chance. Thinking about the frustration that rises in him when he considers how no one seems to believe they’ll last, that it might be only him that sees it differently. He doesn’t understand why it agitates him so much. If he could figure it out though, maybe he could stop thinking about it, get it out of his head. 

He loses track of the punches he lands as his brain works overtime, the dawning realization that the bits and pieces of thoughts and feelings about Raven all fit together to create an obvious picture. One that shouldn’t surprise him but does anyway, like one of the dummies has suddenly decided to fight back, knocking the air from his gut as he stumbles backwards. 

He loves her. No, that’s not right. Well, it is but it’s also wrong because he doesn’t just love her - he’s _in love_ with her, and that makes all the difference. 

Raven matters to him; he’s known that much for years. Not that he spent much time thinking about how to describe his feelings for her, but if he had been forced to put words to them before now, he probably could have admitted - at least to himself - that he did love her. But being in love with her? That’s...something else. He has not a single idea what to do about it. Other than tell her, of course. Now that he’s aware just how deep the connection goes for him, really _knows_ , it feels important not to keep it from her even if he does hate talking about his feelings. 

Maybe she’ll want to know when it happened. There’s no answer to give her, at least not one that comes to him, though he has a sneaking suspicion that maybe it crept in a good while ago and he’s just dense. Anyway, she might not even ask him about that, so what he’s got to do is figure out a way to just come out with it, and after a few of his knuckles start to rub raw against the fabric wrapped around his hands, he leaves the dummies behind, aimlessly wandering around his portion of the Ring until his feet lead him to find Raven once again. 

He doesn’t know what to say when he shows up outside their makeshift gym, watching Raven as she spars with Echo. As he leans on the doorway and waits for her to notice him, everything he’s feeling swirling around his head, he’s at least comforted by the idea that if all else fails, kissing her is probably not a bad alternative. 

  
  


* * *

Telling Raven he’s in love with her doesn’t even get off the ground as a possibility, but it’s his own fault. He gets lucky when she abandons Echo and starts leading him down the corridors to his room, but they pass the spot where he overheard the others earlier and he’s reminded that some of them think he and Raven are just temporary - two friends who’ll fuck until they fade into just a memory, and maybe not even a fond one. When he closes the door behind them, his eyes roam over her and all he can think about is no, he doesn’t accept that. Won’t allow it to end up that way. That’s _not_ how it is between them, and he just has to make her believe it too - has to show her that when something burns this bright it doesn’t disappear. 

She barely gets out asking if he’s alright before his hands are on her, his mouth too, and then everything happens like it’s sped up, all skin and sensation and sex. Raven’s on top of him, riding him while she’s got his wrists pinned and the look on her face almost has him spilling inside her embarrassingly fast. It’s pure concentration, the same as when she’s working on some important project, all caught up and focused. Having that look directed at him while she’s working herself on his cock, naked and warm and his for the taking - oh fuck that’s even better than he could imagine. 

He urges her on, desperate to make her understand how good this is, how good they are _together_ , and all the needy, possessive feelings he’s got for her start to pour out, in a rush of words as well as the way his teeth bite into her neck as he starts to feel her get close to the edge, not at all sorry he’s marked her. Her pussy tightens around his cock and his muscles tense from holding back while she collapses and shivers on top of him, and once he gets her under him, another thought rattles around his traitorous brain. 

It should have been something he realized from the beginning. He should have known from the feelings that got stirred up over that first kiss in the damned supply closet that he was in love with her. Yeah, he knew he wanted more, more of them kissing and more of the incredible effect she had at pushing the anger and the bitterness away. He’d known they could be incredible together after he touched her that first time, but he should have had a clue about _why_ he felt like that, especially now that it’s so painfully obvious as he looks down at her, their eyes locked on one another as he thrusts inside her, absolutely certain he’s never going to get enough. 

Raven was his. Maybe only right here and right now in his arms, but he could work on their future later. They had time; he was going to make sure of that, and he knows she feels something for him, that she cares. He’ll take anything she’ll give him, but for now he needs to hear that she wants him, that the two of them having sex is as necessary to her as it is to him. 

He makes her say it but he didn’t know how it would feel, to hear her tell him she needs him to fuck her. He didn’t know it would affect him so much, make his heart ache with how much he wants her to need _him_ , like how he needs her.

There has to be a way to make her feel the way he does. A way to do to Raven what she’s done to him. If only he knew what it was.

  
  


* * *

“Hey, you got a minute?”

Raven takes a partial step into the open doorway of Echo’s - and now Emori’s - room, watching her friend as she folds some clothes on the bed. 

“For you, always.” 

The comment brings a faint smile to her lips, though her mood is pensive. The situation between her and Murphy hasn’t left her head since that very first kiss, but things have gone from high on the confusing scale to even higher. 

“I need to talk to someone about this whole… _thing_ … with Murphy.”

“Well come into my office, then,” Echo waves her in, pushing the pile of clothes off to the side of the bed so the two of them can sit down. “I’m here for all of your conversational needs.”

Raven walks in, almost reluctant to discuss it even while knowing she has to get it out, has to get a solid grasp on what she’s doing. What _they’re_ doing. 

“I thought when we first got involved that it would be exactly what we talked about, sort of an outlet for the stress we were both under, you know? It made sense, and I figured that the two of us could probably handle the inevitable ending, because we’ve built a solid friendship these last few years. But now I - well, now I don’t think I know what this is and it’s making me nervous.”

Echo’s forehead wrinkles in confusion. “Do you want to stop having sex with him?”

“No! No, that’s not it at all. But...it feels like more than stress relief? Like maybe it never was just sex, and I don’t know what to do with that because now my whole outlook on it might be wrong.”

“Maybe it wasn’t just about sex, that’s a possibility. You said you guys would come to an inevitable ending though. Why do you think that?”

“Why?” Raven asks, confused. “Because things end, that’s why.”

“Not always. Not everything ends. Do you want this thing with Murphy to end?”

The question sends a pang to her heart. No, she does not want it to end, doesn’t want her nights with Murphy to stop, but all she gives Echo in response is a slow shake of her head, unable to put her answer into words.

“Okay. Painful truths time, babe. I think you need to do some math.”

“Echo, what are you even talking about?” 

Her friend holds out her hand in front of her, ticking off fingers as she speaks. “You’re nervous. You don’t want to stop having sex with Murphy even though you acknowledge that whatever you’re doing, it’s about _more_ than just sex. And you admitted you don’t want it to end. Think carefully, genius-girl.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to tell me,” Raven complains, annoyed. “I came to talk to you to get some clarity, not feel more confused.”

“God, you’re so damn dense,” Echo moans, flopping her head into Raven’s lap as she looks up at her and frowns. 

“Let me ask you something. Would you have done this for any of us? Like if Bellamy had approached you and suggested that the two of you just bang out all your stress, what would you have done? What if Emori had gotten the idea into her head after she’d been single for a while, would you have said yes?”

She hadn’t thought about that kind of scenario before, but the answer is obvious based on the way her body negatively reacts to Echo’s suggestions. “I wouldn’t have thought it was a good idea, and I wouldn’t have agreed to do it.”

“Exactly,” Echo nods, getting to a sitting position once again, staring hard into Raven’s eyes. “You should think about _why_ that is, Raven. Why would you do this with and for Murphy but not your other friends?”

Why _did_ she agree to this with Murphy when the thought of this kind of arrangement with any of her other friends makes her stomach revolt? Half-formed conclusions are swirling in her head when Echo gently lays her fingers on Raven’s wrist. 

“In all the time we’ve been up here, I’ve rarely seen you cry. You don’t like being vulnerable. But you let Murphy see you like that, and I’m not just talking about a couple of months ago when I first found out you two were together either.”

Raven’s eyes fly up from the threadbare blanket she’s been staring at, bewildered. Echo smiles softly, continuing her explanation. 

“We’ve all had our troubles at night. I’ve seen the two of you together too many times to count since we got to the Ring, all hushed talks in the dark hallways while we’re supposed to be sleeping. This might come as a surprise, but on the ground, I wouldn’t have survived for long if I wasn’t a good spy. I saw _you_ but I made sure you didn’t see _me_.”

She didn’t know Echo had seen her and Murphy back then. It wasn’t long after they got to space that it had started, both she and Murphy often unable to sleep, or in her case, pain in her leg or hip preventing her from doing so. They’d each been wandering the halls at night, catching glimpses of each other like silent ghosts. Eventually the strange camaraderie they had found in Becca’s lab spilled over, and they often sat together to talk, just like Echo said. Raven hadn’t thought anyone else had known about it, but Echo’s right - she and Murphy have spent the last three years growing closer. 

“What if I lose him when this is over? What if we don’t handle it well and we bring out the worst in each other? And then that’ll make it awful for everyone, not just us.”

“Look at it this way - what do you guys do now when you’re pissed at each other? From what I can see, you two resolve things pretty well, like your issues aren’t constantly lingering and you’re not arguing about the same old, same old all the time. You might argue, but then you make up. Are you suddenly going to turn on each other if the sex stops?”

Her eyes close, thinking about it. When she’s having a bad day, cursing and ready to throw her tools across the room, Murphy can have her at least cracking a smile before too long. When Murphy shuts down and isolates himself, she’s usually the one who can convince him to join them again. And even if not, he tends to let her stick around to keep him company. 

His methods may sometimes make her want to kill him, but Murphy really does help her to quit stomping around like a grumpy bear with everyone, encouraging her to have fun and let go in ways she wouldn't have thought of. And maybe she’s good for him too; at least she hopes so. For the most part, they have a pretty balanced give and take going on, the two of them equals in every way that counts. 

“Let’s try again,” Echo suggests, and this time she squeezes Raven’s knee as she continues. “You’re nervous. You want to keep sleeping with Murphy and don’t want it to end. It’s more than just sex. You would never have agreed to this absurd idea of stress relief with anyone else but him. You let Murphy see all of who you are. Even when you do fight, you two always find your way back to each other before too long. And you don’t want to lose him. What does all that tell you?”

“Oh my god,” Raven chokes out, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe as the truth finally takes root inside her. She raises stricken eyes to Echo, her voice shaky. “I love him. I’m _in_ love with him. And I didn’t even know it.”

Echo opens her arms and pulls her into a hug, though Raven is too stunned to return it. “Of course you are, you idiot. What would you do without me here to tell you this kind of shit?”

Raven drops her forehead to Echo’s shoulder, unable to say if the panicked noise she makes in response is a laugh or a sob. “What the fuck am I going to do now?”

“That one you’re going to have to figure out on your own, my friend.”

  
  


* * *

_Two Months Later _

Murphy watches Raven as she walks a few steps ahead of him, eager to get to wherever she’s heading. 

“So I’m finally about to find out what you’ve been doing these last two months, with you and this top-secret project you’ve been working on?”

She turns her head, grinning at him over her shoulder. “Something I _wanted_ to work on for a change, not _had to_ work on. You’ll see soon enough.” Her eyes twinkle with amusement as her grin gets wider, and he really wants to know what has her so excited. “I have a feeling you’ll like it.”

Raven’s leading him down one of the long corridors towards the docking area of the Ring, where the Vesta IV is located. There’s quite a few air-locks they have to pass through to get there, all of them designed as safety measures in case something went wrong on the original space stations, and it’s not an area he’s particularly familiar with since even he doesn’t mess around near the small rocket that will eventually take them home. Raven finally stops in front of one of the solid and heavy mechanical doors, pushing in a security code on one of the panels she’s gotten working again. 

“This is it,” she tells him as the doors slide open, and when they walk through, they’re in another chunk of the corridor, nothing different about the set of doors behind them or the set in front of them either, but he can see there’s a new and complicated looking amount of wiring on one wall, leading up to an impressive-looking computer system with lots of bells and whistles attached to it. 

“Oh look, we’re in another piece of the hallway,” he says drily, looking around without much interest.

“That’s what you think,” Raven teases. “It may look like a normal section of the hallway, but it was the right size, and I’ve tweaked this one - quite a bit, actually. Emori’s been doing well with the simulation training, but there’s nothing like hands-on experience, and anyway, we could all use a little fun.”

She pushes a few buttons on the keyboard as he tries to figure out what she’s hinting at, and the heavy airlock doors behind them and the ones in front of them close securely with a few ominous sounding beeps. Raven turns to face him again, her whole body practically vibrating with anticipation as she fingers some kind of remote that’s now clipped to her wrist. 

“Hold on to your hat,” she warns him, pushing the green button under her thumb. A moment later there’s a loud hissing noise that reminds him of vacuum cleaners he's heard in movies and his ears start to pop, and then he feels the change. He looks at her in shock, his eyes widening as the sensation of weightlessness within the now-confined space begins to affect them. 

“Holy shit, Raven! You made a zero-g simulator!” 

His legs aren’t steady any longer and he can feel there’s only another second or so until his boots are completely off the floor. He takes in her huge smile, how pleased she is with his reaction, and he realizes he’s got a grin on his face almost as big as hers as they start to rise into the air. Without a second thought he reaches for her, both his hands seeking hers as their fingers link together in the way he's come to know so well. 

“This is insane,” he tells her, amazed, adrenaline rushing through him. She took him on a spacewalk once, so he’d know what it was like, but only after almost a full year of preparing for it, and they hadn’t been able to do it again since resources were limited and it’s supposed to only be for repairs and emergencies. But he’d understood her better afterwards, knowing exactly what she was talking about when she said it made her feel free. It had been scary and incredible and had even sort of moved _him_ at the same time he couldn't stop thinking about how she might've ended her life that way, but this was different. This was pure playfulness. 

“I told you you’d like it,” Raven laughs, and it’s difficult to remember if she’s ever looked so carefree. “If we get some real practice in, Emori and I will be able to work better as a team to do the repair on that series of panels I’ve started to think could be the root cause of our radio problem. If we can get our timing worked out in addition to our cooperation, we can reduce the oxygen amounts we’ll need.” 

She uses the hold on his hand to inch her fingers up his arm, releasing her grip on his other hand at the same time she pushes down, hard, on his upper shoulders, forcing him into a messy forward somersault.

“But for now we should just have fun!”

The unanticipated flip makes him dizzy, but it’s a small price to pay with her bright laughter as a reward, and the two of them spend who knows how long acting like fools as they spin and float in the alien environment. When she drifts by him partially on her back, her eyes closed and a happy smile on her face, he can’t resist. He grabs her ankle, pulling her closer until he’s reeled her in completely, his arms going around her like he’s wanted since they left her bed this morning. Raven locks her legs around his waist, resting her arms on his shoulders, and it takes them both a few moments to adjust their balance but they sort of figure it out even if they aren’t completely steady. 

“You know, you really are pretty awesome.”

“I know,” she says, all smug and proud. She has reason to be though, so he doesn’t tease. Instead he kisses the tip of her nose, which he knows she’ll never expect. Her eyes show surprise at the gesture and he holds back his own grin, content to look at her while they finally have some time alone. She’s been so busy the last few months, with the regular maintenance of the Ring they rely on her for but also because she came up with a new idea on how to repair the radio. Which was going to be dangerous, he knew, because she thinks at least part of the problem is some damaged panels on an area of the Ring they can’t see without a spacewalk. But no doubt that’s what led her to come up with this crazy idea, to recreate a Zero-G zone for her and Emori to practice in. 

Other than not seeing her enough, he doesn’t have much to complain about lately. She hasn’t called him by his first name yet, but after hearing her explain why it had never occurred to her, he doesn’t feel disappointed about it. They haven’t officially made any decisions about moving in together, but he sleeps in her room more than his own, and Raven hasn’t mentioned anything about them getting each other out of their systems since before the night he realized he was in love with her. It’s going on six months since she’d kissed him in that darkened closet, when they’d all gotten drunk on Monty's algae moonshine, and he’d never have believed this is where that one tremendous kiss would lead them, but he can’t think of anything better than where they are now. 

Well, maybe if he could work out how to tell her he loves her. It’s been on the tip of his tongue for what feels like ages, on the verge of spilling out every time they’re together, but he always bites it back out of fear she’s not ready to hear it. It’ll come though - he’s determined not to stress out about it, especially when all he has to do is look at her to know there’s _something_ there for her too. He likes the way she looks at him, how so much of her emotions shine in her eyes and feel so easy for him to understand. The how and why of it seem impossible to decipher, but Raven sees something in him, brings things inside him up to the surface so he can breathe deep even here in space. He’ll be hers for as long as she’ll have him. 

Raven’s fingers skim against the back of his neck, pulling him out of his thoughts, and the expression on her face tells him that he’s going to like whatever she’s going to say. 

“Besides wanting you to be the first to know what I’ve been doing with myself lately, I was kind of hoping we might have a little inauguration celebration while we’re here. A private one.”

Yeah, he definitely likes what she’s thinking about. He slides his hands down her back to her ass, completely onboard with her suggestion. “You want us to be the first to christen your new creation before everyone else gets their filthy little hands on it, don’t you?”

She squirms in his arms to bring herself closer to him and he’s abruptly desperate to kiss her, ducking his head to do exactly that but she holds her hand up to his lips, stopping him before he can take what he wants. 

“I don’t even want to _think_ about what everyone else is going to do in here to defile my newest brainchild, but you and I are definitely going to do it all first. For the principle of it, of course.” He loves the sly grin she gives him as she pauses, her hand sliding down his jaw. “But before we get started, I have to ask you something. Think of it as a multiple choice question, I guess, since you have to pick one. Okay?”

He might worry about what she’s going to ask except her brown eyes are too warm, too soft as they meet his, so he knows it’s probably something good. “Okay.”

“Which one sounds better - I love you, Murphy or I love you, John?”

_He was wrong again_ , he realizes, his throat tight with emotion. _Vastly, categorically and profoundly wrong._

He _can_ think of something better than where they are now, and it’s right this second, this exact moment. It’s all there in her pretty brown eyes, shiny with tears, and he knows exactly how she feels. Raven’s in love with him like he’s in love with her and he’ll never understand how it happened but he’ll do anything to make sure she never for a moment regrets it. 

More nervous than he'd care to admit, he takes a deep breath to calm his nerves, willing her to see in his own eyes what he sees in hers. “They both sound pretty good to me.”

“I’m glad,” she says, a tender smile he hasn’t seen before curving across her lips just before she leans in to kiss him, knocking them both off-balance as they literally float into a wall. He kisses her back with everything he has in him, telling her with his body that he loves her before he says it with his mouth, thrilling at the sound of her harsh breathing when she drops her head back so he can suck along her neck. 

“Take your clothes off,” Raven demands, reminding him of the first night she gave in to him. 

Yep. Just keeps getting better and better. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for sticking with me! I appreciate your comments & kudos more than you know. I hope you are all staying safe, sane and healthy! Remember that quite a few writers & creators involved in t100 are raising money for Black Lives Matter and we have a financial goal we're aiming for by the finale! You can prompt with any ship (or gen!), any amount & you choose the related cause! Check it out on tumblr @t100-fic-for-blm and you can also find it on twitter @t100fic4blm

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone taking the time to read! If you liked it, your comments help keep me going! Be safe, everybody, and please listen to medical experts & wear your mask in public!


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